Candace Nassar (00:00)
Well, welcome Abby. We are so glad to have you with us today. Thank you for taking the time to join us and share your wisdom. It’s such a gift to have you on the show. So before we jump in, could you just take a moment to tell us briefly about yourself and introduce yourself to our listeners?
Abbey Wedgeworth (00:17)
Sure, I’m Abby Wedgworth. I am married to David who is a realtor. Together we have three sons who, one of my editors recently said I should stop calling they grill because I write parenting stuff, but they are wild. They are boys and I love spending my days with them. I spend a lot of time with them because we homeschool. And in addition to being a homeschooling mom, I love serving in my local church.
Candace Nassar (00:34)
Yes.
Abbey Wedgeworth (00:45)
And God has given me opportunities to write and do more public ministry through speaking. Yeah, I’m just delighted to have a very busy and full life and have the luxury of having to choose what I can and can’t do because our plates are so full. So I have a book. My first book is about pregnancy loss. It’s a resource for women who have lost life in the womb. And then I’m just tickled to have gotten to do a kids book series called Training Young Hearts, all about body parts and how to use them for the glory of God, how Jesus used his and it really the heart behind that series is just pointing kids to Jesus not just as their example, but also their savior and to point to the Holy Spirit as the source of help when we want to do and be better. So I love that series. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (01:19)
I love it.
Candace Nassar (01:35)
So good. It’s precious. checked it out and I’m going to be getting it for my grandbaby that’s coming soon. So thank you. I’m so excited. It’s a girl. So we’re really thrilled. d I also love, I went on your Instagram, which, you have a big following. So congratulations on that. And some.
Abbey Wedgeworth (01:43)
So excited for you.
Abbey Wedgeworth (01:50)
Thanks. Is really, I just let, I had a girl help me with social media and I let her go. said, I’m too quickly.
But yeah, anyways, she was helpful.
Candace Nassar (02:02)
Well, she, yeah, you hit on a lot of, you hit some real nerves and I love you. And what you did is so great as you give all these little tips, these one, two, three pointers and things that are just so great to save and have as resources when we’re in the moment. And so we’re gonna talk about a lot of that. I also wanna mention that on your, I think it’s on your website or on your Instagram link tree, I saw that you have all these resources that you’ve recommended, which,
Abbey Wedgeworth (02:23)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (02:25)
I love, because I’m such a reader and I read to my kids all the time. Matter of fact, I homeschooled them for a bit and just, having those resources that you recommend. Cause I’m, when I recommend things, sometimes they’re like 30 years old. So that’s not, you know, some of them are still classic. Um, but the ones that you’ve recommended seem really great. So lots of resources and we’ll, we’ll post all of that in our show notes.
But so let’s get started and talk. The first thing I saw that I loved. We’ve got moms listening today in all kinds of seasons. Newborn chaos, teen drama, homeschooling, working full time, and so many feel stretched, so thin. And you’ve created something called the three through five method of Bible study that really meets women right where they are. So can you talk about that a little bit?
Abbey Wedgeworth (03:03)
Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (03:13)
Yes, I love Bible study and have for forever and was so discouraged when I had a newborn that I just couldn’t do it. Just, my brain was so tired and it felt, now I’m like, looking back like, you only had one baby. You had so much time, but it just felt like I had no time. And so in every postpartum season, this has been such a gift to me, but it’s also been a gift in seasons of grief or busyness, or even when I kind of fall off the wagon and need to hop back on. But the three to five method is basically just.
three to five minutes, three to five verses. And I encourage women to choose a book of the Bible, usually like an epistle, because it’s just so accessible. But when your mind is tired, and you feel like you don’t have a ton of time, you can read three to five verses. And I think usually what we do is we reach for cheap content when we feel like we don’t have a lot to spend.
But the three to five method is the beauty of it is, you’re going really slowly three to five verses in the same book. So you’re reading scripture in context just for three to five minutes. So you can stand up and move on and say like, I did my Bible study and you don’t have to carry this weird guilt if I’m not reading my Bible.
And you also don’t have to go through your day without having been nourished by the word. So, and I have found Candace that in seasons where I’m doing this Bible study method that feels like less than I actually end up accidentally memorizing a lot of scripture just because I’m meditating on it.
You know, so three to five verses, you have the time to look up definitions, to ask questions, and then if you feel like you can do more, you can do more. If you want to leave your Bible open on your counter and come back to it, you can do it three to five times a day. You know, that’s 15 minutes total of Bible study, but it adds up. So I love that method because
Candace Nassar (04:32)
Yes.
Abbey Wedgeworth (04:53)
I think, we think, that we have to spend 30 minutes in the word with a moleskin journal and a micron pen for it to count. And the reality is that we consume the word of God in the same way we consume food as moms. You know, sometimes you’re just grabbing a protein bar and it’s got to be quick, but it can be really nourishing too. Yeah. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (05:06)
Hmm.
That’s right. That’s just what you choose to focus on, right? And if it’s, if we have a choice between scrolling or spending time for five minutes reading the word, we know which one is more valuable. So we just have to have that discipline to lay down the phone and pick up his word.
Abbey Wedgeworth (05:27)
Yes.
Yep. And I love that you mentioned the phone because sometimes I would literally tell Siri to set a timer for five minutes and then put it face down, you know, cause you think you don’t have time, but then the timer goes off and you’re like, my goodness, I just focused. And that actually trains our brains anyway, to be able to do more. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (05:34)
Mm-hmm. Right.
Candace Nassar (05:44)
Yes, absolutely. And you know what else you spoke about that I love is having your Bible out during the day. That’s such a precious example to your children. And they see you going to the Word periodically and they start asking questions, I’m sure. I mean, I know you’re really big into discipling your kids and I’m going to ask you about that just next actually. But just has that happened where they’ve seen you in the Word and it’s made a difference?
Abbey Wedgeworth (05:49)
Ugh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (06:11)
yeah, and there were seasons too, Candice, where my, I had early risers and I always looked at these other moms like, what are they doing that I’m not doing right? That my kids wake up at 5.30, you know, and then they’d get too hungry in their rooms if I waited too long and the whole morning would just be hard. So I basically just surrendered to my second getting up as early as he did. And I was like, we’re just gonna start the day really early together.
Candace Nassar (06:15)
Mm-hmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (06:32)
And he would go from the time he could crawl, Candace, like I would have my Bible open and he would go and get books and sit beside me with his open. And more is caught than taught, you know, but they do love God’s word. And I know that they see the difference that it makes in my life. And we reference it all the time together. Yeah.
And that’s something to like my. My Bible has colored pencil marks in it, has spilled coffee marks, and it is precious, but it’s not. I mean, those things are precious to me that they’re, it’s very obviously the Bible of a mom, you know.
Candace Nassar (07:05)
You know, one day when you’re my age, you should keep that and you’re gonna look back and go, those times, right? I guess I can so say that, but okay, well, thank you so much. Those are great tips. And so now the other thing, there were several things that really resonated with me. Another one was you had five questions to use to help cultivate wisdom and discernment and dependence in your kids and
Abbey Wedgeworth (07:11)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (07:20)
Alright.
Candace Nassar (07:29)
you have some recommendations of when to use those. And that was, that was the one thing that I thought, I could have used that with my kids that, you know, I tried to walk them through it, but I love how succinctly you put it. So tell us about those five questions and the situations when you can use them.
Abbey Wedgeworth (07:36)
Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (07:44)
So one of the questions that I will ask them is just what are we here for and who might we see here? So this might be the grocery store. Like, okay, we’re here to get groceries. And who are we gonna see? We’re gonna see, checkout people, we’re gonna see other people getting their groceries, you know.
And one of the things we really talk about is that all people are made in the image of God. And so we treat everyone with dignity, looking them in the eye. And so this is one of the reasons I asked this is who are we going to see just to repair our hearts? If we’re going to Jim child here, we might need specific people. They might be kids that my kids are struggling to get along with or who have habits that are frustrating to my children. So we’re just kind of setting our minds or we’re walking into a family event. Oh, we’re going to see this cousin. We’re going to see this uncle.
And then we asked the question, how can we glorify God here? Because everywhere we go, he hasn’t just saved us, he saved us for good works. So he’s prepared good works for us to walk into. And so we’re asking that question, how can we glorify God?
When our kids, from the time that they were two, when we brushed their teeth, we sang the first three questions of the children’s catechism, which is – who made you? God. What else did God make? all things. Why did God make you in all things? for his own glory.-
And so that is why we’re here. So the question is, how can we glorify God? How can we fulfill his commands here to love our neighbor and to treat people as we want to be treated? that really like yesterday, I took one of my kids on a playdate and we talked about before, okay, we’re going to see this person and how can we glorify and honor God because
You know, this is a kid he’s struggling with who snatches, who doesn’t listen when he says, please stop. And so we’re, yeah, it’s really hard. And so we talked about, like, how can we love him? How can we set an example? How can you follow the conflict resolution rules that mommy’s put forth? And he said, I will say it clearly and calmly. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll come get you. You know, so we’re making a plan together of how we can honor God even in conflict.
Candace Nassar (09:19)
That’s hard.
Candace Nassar (09:37)
That’s amazing.
Abbey Wedgeworth (09:40)
And so that was the third question is like, what temptations might we face here? You know, like maybe in the grocery store, we might be tempted to love time more than people. Someone’s going really slowly in front of us or we might be tempted to grab the things in the checkout aisle while we’re waiting to be rung out or whatever, but they know like these are the things that are weak points of weakness for me. and in light of understanding what temptations we might face, I ask, how can we support and encourage one another while we’re here? What can I do to set you up for success?
And what can you do since the reason we’re here is to get her trees or since the reason we’re here is for mommy to get a workout in, what can we do to support each other? You know, and they know like if they misbehave in childcare at the gym, I get called out of workout, you know, so they’re like, okay, we can help you get your workout in by being helpers or we can support and help our teachers or we can support and help each other as conflicts arise with other kids or, whatever. yeah. And so
Candace Nassar (10:35)
Yeah, and you know what’s so good? I’m hearing the trust that you’re building with your kids right there. That is so powerful that they, when you say you’re going to do that and then you do, then they know, okay, then I don’t have to be as anxious or on edge in this situation. So that’s really powerful.
Abbey Wedgeworth (10:46)
Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (10:54)
Mm, yeah. And when I think that’s a good point to Candace that like yesterday in that particular playdate when Henry did come to me and said, okay, I use compound words, here’s what I did. And now I’m coming to ask for your help. I could celebrate that not like you’re interrupting my time with this mommy that I’m discipling because he plays with her son while I meet with her. Instead, I just said, I’m so proud of you. You did exactly what you’re supposed to do. You tried yourself first, came to get me, I’m happy to come and help you.
But that’s a good point that if we make ourselves available to them, we ask them to come to us and we need to be available. And that’s the last thing too, is in building trust, like we do that with the word too. The final thing we do is just say a quick prayer. God, will you please help us to have self-control as we’re in the checkout line or God, will you please help me to be a good friend to this buddy who doesn’t listen and to be a good example of listening and show him the love of Jesus, even when he’s mistreating me to treat him the way I want to be treated. And this can be really brief.
Candace Nassar (11:25)
Mm-hmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (11:48)
I mean, two or three seconds. And sometimes I’ll have them pray for me, like, pray for mommy that I’ll have patience with you and the grocery store and be more concerned with you than I am with what people around me think because of what you’re doing. Yeah, and they’ll ask that. So, and this isn’t like every drop off, but if I feel anxiety about their behavior or how something’s gonna go, I mean, taking three boys into a grocery store is like a thing, you know?
Candace Nassar (11:48
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (12:00)
Ooh, so good.
Abbey Wedgeworth (12:16)
And sometimes it goes great. And sometimes it’s really hard. So I think this just helps to set all of our hearts right. And then that last piece of asking for God’s help is really so key. Isn’t it to remember that we’re not alone, that we have a resource, that the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead is living inside of us and ready to help us in those moments, all of us. And then we get to give him glory. Like when we left that playdate yesterday, I could say, let’s thank and praise God for his help.
Candace Nassar (12:16)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (12:20)
sure.
Candace Nassar (12:36)
Amen.
Abbey Wedgeworth (12:43)
I saw him at work and you were self-controlled, you know, like, and it calls them up to be who he created them to be.
Candace Nassar (12:50)
Fantastic. I can see like, driving to these places and doing this in the car when you’re on your way and it helps in those transition moments. Maybe you’re going from one place to the next, they’re overstimulated or whatever. So there’s so much value and just talking through all of this and.
Abbey Wedgeworth (12:55)
Hmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (13:03)
Yep.
Abbey Wedgeworth (13:07)
Yeah. And even just asking one of the questions. I mean, it doesn’t have to be all five or even pausing to pray and you, praying through like who we’re going to see, what we’re going to be tempted, whatever. I think any of this intentionality is helpful. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (13:20)
So good. Wow. Okay. So the next thing I want to talk about is one of your, your amazing children’s books. You alluded to the series training. What is it? Training hearts? Yes. Training young hearts. And the one that I want to focus on is your magnificent mouth. Yeah. We don’t, we all, I know it’s based on Ephesians four 29, which was it.
Abbey Wedgeworth (13:32)
Training Young Hearts.
Abbey Wedgeworth (13:39)
I need this book. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (13:46)
I love seeing that because that was one of the verses that I had my kids memorize when they were young, because it is amazing. And I have two boys and one girl, so I can relate the things that come out of boys’ mouths. A little different from girls. They have their own issues, but boys sometimes are particularly bristling. I don’t know. We could say that. But from that book, tell us a little bit about
Abbey Wedgeworth (13:58)
You
Abbey Wedgeworth (14:02)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (14:11)
how we can lead our kids to honor God with what they say and what they don’t say.
Abbey Wedgeworth (14:15)
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, one of the things I love about a series is it always opens with celebration. We celebrate, uh, what our mouths can do. They can do amazing things, you know, and can be so fun, like saying nonsense words or, you know, um, communicating or singing, or there just so many fun, playful things we can do on our mouths, even blowing bubbles or, you know, chewing silly, you know, there’s, we start with celebration of what mouths can do, but then there are
right and wrong ways to use our mouths. And so the book outlines some of those things. And this is one of the older kid books. So the series has some port books for younger kids and then these story books for older kids who are beyond the temptation of biting, but are now struggling with seeing the worst thing they could think of, which recently one of my kids was so angry with me and he said, fine, you babysitter. And it just made me laugh. That’s how it’s like, is that the worst thing you can think of to call me a babysitter?
Candace Nassar (14:50)
Mmm.
Candace Nassar (14:59)
Mmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (15:09)
Um, they can say some really hurtful things sometimes and they know what it is to feel shame over that. So one of my favorite pages in the book says, um, and so when you say something, uh, I’m trying to remember how exactly it goes, but it’s like, when you feel icky inside, when you say the worst thing you can think of, basically, and you feel icky, here’s good news for you.
Um, that, that Jesus used his mouth perfectly for you and that he said yes to God’s plan so that when you say something that isn’t true or isn’t kind, you can ask for forgiveness with your mouth.
And if you’re in Jesus, God always forgives you. And then you can use your mouth to ask for help to obey and the Holy Spirit helps you. And there’s really cool imagery in the book of negative coming out of the mouth and positive coming out of the mouth. and just really points to Jesus breathing his spirit onto his friends with his mouth.
Candace Nassar (15:49)
Very good.
Candace Nassar (16:01)
Mm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (16:01)
and he does the same thing for us when we become believers, you know, he gives us his spirit and so it’s really just encouraging kids to lead or to speak from a spirit-led place instead of a reactive place.
Candace Nassar (16:12)
Yeah. it’s so, training them up from the beginning to be mindful, really, that something that we all need to be mindful of the words we say and how we say them and all of those things. So, really powerful. And, and then you have this thing called the filter song, which I thought was just so cute to help kids discern if something is wise to say. you want to, can you share a line or two? think.
Abbey Wedgeworth (16:18)
Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (16:30)
Yes.
Abbey Wedgeworth (16:36)
Mm hmm. Yeah, I’ll do a little ditty. It’s to the tune of, it’s based on Amy Carmichael’s phrasing about discerning if we should say something or not, but it’s to the tune of Do Your Ears Hang Low. So it’s, it kind? Is it helpful? Does it need to be said? Is it true? These questions make a filter in my head so that I can love my neighbor so that I can honor God, I think be
Candace Nassar (16:39)
Yeah, can you do a little ditty for us?
Abbey Wedgeworth (17:04)
before I speak.
Candace Nassar (17:06)
Yeah, and you know, I love that so much because that your kids are going to remember that song their entire lives.
Abbey Wedgeworth (17:13)
Well, they pridefully sing it to each other sometimes. They’re, you know, like to help. But then sometimes I’ll just say to them like, Ooh, is it helpful? Or like, does that need to be said? And they’re really good to think it through. And they’ll say it to me too, you know, which is good. I need it man. And they are faithful to do it. If I ask for accountability for my kids, they will, they will give it to me.
Candace Nassar (17:15)
yep.
Candace Nassar (17:27)
Mm-hmm. yeah, they love to hold us accountable. The older they get, for sure. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (17:39)
Well, that’s so good. And that’s exactly what we want, because we want to have that mutual respect, right? So you said something that leads great into my next talking point. You talk about pridefully how your kids will sometimes say things to their siblings. And you have a post that I love that said, ways not to raise Pharisees, or something like that.
Abbey Wedgeworth (18:00)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (18:04)
So that really resonated with me because I think that is an issue in the Christian community where we all struggle. First of all, Christian or not, we all struggle with pride, right? But I think when we look at other people and compare ourselves in a way of, well, I’m better than them or whatever. If our kids see us do that, if we’re allowing them to do that, that is definitely raising a hypocrite in a lot of ways, right?
And so, and you mentioned something that is near and dear to my heart, and that is shepherding our kids’ hearts. And as parents, it’s so easy for us to focus on behavior and outward obedience, but our ultimate goal is to shepherd their hearts and lead them to a saving faith and then help them grow in spiritual maturity. So do you remember, do you have some of those tips that you can share with us?
Abbey Wedgeworth (18:53)
Yeah, I think one of the main ones, and this is why the books are not just about what to do and what not to do, you know, which is moralism. And not just Jesus as an example, which is also moralism, but it’s Jesus as savior and spirit as helper. So we live lives and humble reliance on him and the grace that saves us is the grace by which we obey, you know. So two things really stand out to me.
One is, when my kids do well and bring that to me, like, mommy, did you see how I did this? Even though that kid was doing this, like we can affirm praiseworthy behavior, you know, but then I will say to my kids in times like that, but do I love you because you obey or do I love you because you told the truth? No. Why do I love you? And they know to say, because I’m your son or because I’m your child.
And I’ve seen Justin early, he wrote about this in Habits of the Household, he’s a buddy of ours. But even before Justin’s book, and there’s I think, Coop Messes Up is another book where the mom says this to the boy at the end. So I’ve seen this lots of places. But we will say, who else loves you like that? God, and even more than mommy. That’s an important point of emphasis. He loves you not because of what you do or don’t do, but because you’re his child.
Candace Nassar (20:07)
Yes.
Abbey Wedgeworth (20:07)
And that just protects our hearts from trying to earn favor or earn love by the good things we do. And then the other thing conversely is when my kids mess up, when they blow it, if they tell a lie or take something or strike a brother or say something really unkind, I might say, is there any lie you could ever tell that would change my favor for you?
or change the way I love you and they will say, no, why do I love you? Because I’m your son. Who else loves you like that? God, even more than mommy. And so this just reinforces over and over. It’s not about what you do or don’t do. Grace’s unmerited favor has nothing to do with merit. There are plenty of other ways I think to avoid just even using good and bad as language. Like you’re a good brother or you were bad, you know, at this time.
Candace Nassar (20:46)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (20:51)
Mmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (20:56)
to use character words instead, I think is another really helpful way to avoid moralism, particularly the fruit of the spirit, because you’re attributing anything good to Christ. You like you are such a kind brother, I see God at work in you. You know, like you are so patient, God is helping you to be patient. And that builds a sense of self and self esteem. It’s not that they don’t get credit for anything they do, it’s that they learn to really root good things in their identity in Christ.
Candace Nassar (21:15)
really good.
Candace Nassar (21:27)
Yeah, I mean that is absolutely when we can use those types of affirmations instead of the good and you’ve been good or whatever. I can see it. Getting their juices, their brain just going in that direction and hopefully coming back to that when they stray. You mentioned Justin or Jason early. Yeah, Justin early. I love his bedtime routine.
Abbey Wedgeworth (21:31)
Mm-hmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (21:47)
Just in, just in early, yeah.
Yeah
Candace Nassar (21:52)
That is the most incredible thing. I don’t know if you could you share that or I can try to remember it.
Abbey Wedgeworth (21:57)
Yeah, he’ll just do his kids’ body parts. And he prays specifics over them, you know, like he’ll tickle their belly and say, make them people of joy or touch their head and, and pray for God to help with their thoughts or, know, touch their mouth and say, helping the people who tell the truth or speak wise words or whatever you can use this however, however you want, you know, like holding their hands and say, help their hands be hands that serve or tickle their feet and say help their feet be, go where you want them to go and share the good news.
So I think it’s a really versatile thing, but that tactile sensory stuff, especially for boys, is so wonderful. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (22:33)
And then I love how he asks the question, or I guess he says it or leads them into this, there’s nothing they can ever do or say that will make him love them less. Yeah, and I think that is also a really powerful thing to say to children to help with that whole discipleship in their hearts. So, because then they know they can be honest and they can just…
Abbey Wedgeworth (22:45)
Yeah. Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (22:51)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Candace Nassar (22:58)
continues to build that closeness where they want to tell us things. And that when you get teenagers, that becomes super important for sure. Okay, well, let’s, there’s a couple other things, particularly I want to talk, you mentioned sibling conflict. And so let’s just talk briefly, if you can share some of the steps that you help your kids navigate through that.
Abbey Wedgeworth (23:03)
Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (23:07)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (23:15)
Yeah
Abbey Wedgeworth (23:21)
So we have four steps. And I find it’s really helpful when you have boys too, if there’s more than one step to use fingers when you talk about them. But the first one is hands up, hands off, which is if you’re doing a tug of war, you let go. And by doing that, say people are more important than things. And I tell my boys a lot, there are two things that last forever, the souls of men and the word of God. And so if it is between a thing and a person, we pick the person every time because they have a soul. So are more important than things, we let go.
And that just stops escalating too. You know, you take a step back. And then the second thing, so hands up, hands off. And the second thing is, use calm, kind, clear words. So calm, kind, clear words sound like, I don’t like when you touch me that way, please stop. Or I don’t like how you’re saying that to me, please change how you’re talking to me. Or I was playing with that first and I would like it back.
And then you try to find a solution. Why don’t I play for a little bit and you can have it when I’m done, you know, so helping them work out their own, their own conflict. Yeah, like to think of a solution to be solutions oriented or I’ll give this to you, but I would like to play with that. And if they can’t find that, if it doesn’t work, come get an adult. So nine times out of 10 candidates, my kids come to me. If it starts with he did such and such.
Candace Nassar (24:24)
conflict.
Abbey Wedgeworth (24:41)
or Walter took my or will said that, I will say, stop right there. I care and if you’re looking for comfort, I will comfort you. But if you’re looking to get me involved, have you talked to your brother first? Or I’ll say like, who is the person you need to talk to? And I will not intervene until they have gone back and used calm, kind, clear words and tried. And I say like, if it doesn’t work, come back and get me, but you will try first. I mean, we are so quick to be referees.
that we forget our role as mediators and equipers. Our ultimate goal as parents is to work ourselves out of a job, that they don’t need us. And so we cultivate wisdom, we cultivate experience, and if we run in every time the message we’re sending them is you can’t do this by yourself. But they learn by doing, and so we equip them. Even when we go into the situation, we don’t come in as arbiters of justice, we come in as facilitators. Like, okay, let’s walk back through what did you say and where did this go wrong?
Candace Nassar (25:08)
Wait.
Candace Nassar (25:14)
That’s right.
Abbey Wedgeworth (25:34)
Can you hear him? Look at his face, you know, instead of, okay, who had it first? Like I don’t ask questions unless they are, what did you say? And did you listen? And that’s the role here is mediation and equipment, not justice.
Candace Nassar (25:50)
Mm-hmm. And you’re empowering them with confidence, confidence in themselves, confidence in the Lord that they can work things out and such a skill for life.
Abbey Wedgeworth (26:03)
Yes. Yeah. And empathy is a superpower. And I think that’s one of the key pieces too, is really getting them to look at each other and to see each other. Like, what is he feeling? How can you tell? Like his eyebrows are down, his mouth is tight, like he’s angry and let’s look. yes. Tears in his eyes. He’s hurting.You know, really, really see and sit with that because I think in conflict we just stop paying attention to the other person’s feeling and building that attunement will be a gift to their marriages and to their parents.
Candace Nassar (26:30)
Yes, yes. I bet there are some moms out there with girls thinking, Ooh, I want to find her boys one day because you are raising godly men. And I just,
Abbey Wedgeworth (26:36)
I hope so. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. You know, like we just do our very best and pray that you will give the growth.
Candace Nassar (26:47)
Well, it sounds like he’s given you incredible wisdom. So the last thing I want to talk about is how to handle it when we as moms are overwhelmed or just want to escape and hide in the pantry, maybe with the snack and just scroll. You have a beautiful perspective about engaging our kids instead of escaping. And so what has helped you shift your mindset and stay present even when it’s hard?
Abbey Wedgeworth (26:59)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Abbey Wedgeworth (27:07)
Yeah.
Abbey Wedgeworth (27:12)
I um, I’m going to get teary. I think knowing that God is present with me is really it. We, my friend Kristen, I talked about staying power. The Holy Spirit gives us staying power because he doesn’t leave us and we’re never really alone. I think there are times to step away. Like I will say to my boys, I’m going to go talk to Jesus. I don’t talk to you in a way I regret or have to apologize for.
And I think there are times to step away, but I think there are a million moments before that point where if we press in a little harder, we don’t get there. I really believe that Candice. And I talked to a mom that I’m mentoring yesterday about this and just suggested to her like, sometimes when one of my kids is spiraling out of control or I can’t find him, if I get out a book, a picture book and sit on the couch and start reading loudly, he’ll come sit next to me. And we’re right. We’re just
Candace Nassar (28:07)
Huh. Cool.
Abbey Wedgeworth (28:07)
back on track. Because I think sometimes the moments we need, we feel most like I just want to get my car and drive away are the moments we most need to get out, count your chickens or Candyland or whatever and engage them. I talk about like, channeling your inner camp counselor, you know, like, I couldn’t just leave my eight, nine year olds when I was camp counseling, what would I do? I would start a chant, or a game, or, you know, and just set aside what I was doing.
to really draw them back in and to build that relational bond to give those relational deposits. I think, again, there are absolutely times we need to step away to regulate. And it takes wisdom to know when that is, but I think we can avoid getting to that point by engaging, by making eye contact, by getting on the floor.
And if you can do that for five or 10 minutes, a lot of times it will reset before it ever gets to that point where people are yelling or you just wanna pull your hair out or get on the highway. Yeah, but you don’t remember in the moment, I will say, like in the moment, it’s really hard to remember. So I have a list that I keep out of like, my friend Trisha says, anger’s the tool we reach for, we don’t have the tool we need. And so I have a list of tools, like what can I do? What can I reach for?
Candace Nassar (28:59)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So good. Wow. Abby.
Abbey Wedgeworth (29:20)
which to engage with them. But picture books are my favorite way because it gives that contact. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (29:26)
So good, so good. Well, I can’t thank you enough. This has just been fantastic. Your wisdom, your practical tools. So I just appreciate it so much. And we will, like I said, put a link to all of your resources and our show notes. Just again, appreciate your heart, your wisdom. Wish you all the best.
Abbey Wedgeworth (29:31)
I’m so glad.
Abbey Wedgeworth (29:44)
Well, I appreciate what you’re doing, Candice. Young moms need encouragement, a lot of encouragement. It’s a really hard job. So I’m grateful for the ways that you’re investing in the lives of younger women. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (29:53)
Thank you so much.