Let’s be honest—nothing tests our faith quite like forgiveness. When the wounds of hurtful words run deep and harmony with one another feels out of reach, forgiveness can feel impossible. But woven throughout Scripture is a radical command: release the offense—not because we excuse the pain, but because Christ has first forgiven us:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
What if forgiving isn’t about a feeling, but a choice? Let’s explore the heart of God in one of the most misunderstood, yet life-transforming, commands He’s given us.
As moms, we teach our kids to apologize when they do something wrong, like fighting over a toy or using unkind words. One of the things I’ve learned as a parent is that what we teach doesn’t quite take root unless we exemplify it ourselves. So what does it look like when we have been the ones hurt, misunderstood, or betrayed?
Forgiveness sounds nice on the pages of the Bible, but realistically, our painful moments can feel like a shipwreck of emotions. And in the midst of the hurt, forgiving others is often the last thing we want to do. Despite our feelings—or how deeply we were wronged—Jesus calls us to forgive. Not just for the sake of the other person, but for our own healing. So what does real forgiveness look like, and how can we be role models for our children, even when it’s hard?
Forgiveness Is First a Choice—Not a Feeling
Depending on the severity, forgiveness is not always instant or easy, and so often our feelings want to take the lead. This is why Jesus reminds us of the following: “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Matthew 18:35 (ESV)
When we hear the word heart, we often associate it with emotions. But in Scripture, the heart refers to the whole inner person—our thoughts, will, conscience, and feelings. It is the center of who we are. So when Jesus says, “forgive from your heart” (Matthew 18:35), He’s not asking for shallow words or forced behavior—He’s calling us to forgive sincerely and completely, from the depth of our being.
Forgiveness doesn’t always come easily, especially when emotions run high or wounds feel fresh. But through the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit, we are enabled to make the choice to forgive—even when our feelings lag behind. As we spend time in God’s Word and submit to His Spirit, our hearts are softened, our minds are renewed, and our emotions gradually come into alignment with God’s truth.
Forgiving from the heart means allowing the grace we’ve received in Christ to flow through us to others. It’s not something we muster on our own, but something we do by faith, trusting that God will supply the strength and healing we need as we walk in obedience.
This truth became personal when I had to choose to forgive a sibling of mine after a painful confrontation. I opened up about how hurt I was when they had missed a couple of milestone life events that meant a lot to me. Instead of reconciliation, I was met with shouting, harsh words, and accusations. Beyond my control, the silence in the relationship continued almost a year, until I received a phone call with an apology.
Even after the apology, I had to examine my heart to make sure I wasn’t falling into bitterness because of how much time had passed before an apology was made. The hardest part about forgiving is keeping our feelings in check—practicing the fruit of self-control, and making sure the Holy Spirit is leading and not the flesh.
Like in my case, what do you do when the apology takes its sweet ol’ time—or you never receive one? How do we walk in forgiveness?
How Do We Walk in Forgiveness When It Still Hurts?
1. Choose obedience over feelings.
In Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT) Jesus said:
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)
Jesus is not teaching that we earn God’s forgiveness by forgiving others, but that a truly forgiven heart will reflect God’s mercy by extending forgiveness to others. This kind of obedience is a response to grace, not a prerequisite for it. Trust in Jesus to do what He says, even when it is hard. Begin with a simple prayer:
“Jesus, I choose to forgive because you have forgiven me.”
The feelings may catch up later, but obedience comes first.
2. Pray for the person who hurt you.
As hard as this may be when we’ve been deeply wounded, prayer is the remedy to begin healing. Every time you apply this wisdom to your situation, you are releasing the heaviness and weakening the bitterness. Praying for the person who hurt you doesn’t excuse the pain—it means you are giving the burden to the One who sees it all. Pray for their healing, their relationship with Jesus, and for peace and unity to transform the heart.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)
3. Remember the real enemy.
Our battle isn’t with flesh and blood. It is spiritual, and we need to remind ourselves of this every time. Often, we forget and begin to view the person as the enemy—especially in families. But divisiveness is the devil’s playground. Recognizing this will always help us fight with God’s truth and avoid growing anger and bitterness toward the person.
4. Keep the heart toxin-free.
Unforgiveness is a slow toxin. What makes a toxin slow? A delay between exposure and the development of symptoms—which gradually worsen over time.
Resentment, bitterness, holding a grudge, and harboring ill will all breed havoc on our spiritual, physical, and emotional health. Like a slow toxin, we may not realize what we are holding on to until we begin to see the negative effects in our lives.
Keep the heart pure by continually bringing the hurt to Jesus. Grab a journal, write your thoughts and prayers to God, fill the environment with worship, and most of all get into God’s Word. His Word is the healing balm for everything we go through. Open the book of Psalms and immerse yourself in praise passages to God. It is the antidote for replacing sadness with joy.
5. Trust God with the outcome.
It is crucial we forgive, even if the person or persons who hurt us never acknowledge the harm done. This frees us from being chained to the offense. We are doing what Jesus taught in Mark 11:25,
“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Mark 11:25
The Amplified Bible expands this verse to include: “forgive, let it drop, leave it, let it go,” which captures the spirit of Jesus’ words and invites us to release the offense completely. Tell God you choose to forgive the one who hurt you, and trust Him to bring justice, healing, and restoration in His time. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. It releases the offender to God’s justice, even if trust has been broken and boundaries remain.
Forgiveness doesn’t say, “What you did was okay.” It says, “I will no longer carry the weight of your sin.”
Forgiveness Releases the Weight of the Offense.
Forgiveness is rarely easy, but it is always worth it—and only possible because Christ has made it so. He bore our sins, secured our pardon, and now empowers us to extend that same grace to others. Every time we choose to obey—even when it feels impossible—we draw closer to the heart of God.
As moms and sisters in Christ, we have a God-given opportunity to model a kind of grace the world can’t explain—a grace that flows not from ourselves, but from the cross. Let’s choose forgiveness not because it’s easy, but because Jesus is worthy. And every time we forgive, we testify to the power of the cross and the reality of a resurrected Savior.
If you enjoyed this blog by Jayme Gradwell, podcaster of “She Speaks Life”, and you want to learn more about living a gospel-centered life as a parent, listen to the Spotify podcast below with MomQ founder, Candace Nassar, and Jayme. In this discussion, Jayme shares her journey of learning to surrender to God’s plan and how God guided her through challenging times and proved His faithfulness to her over and over again.
At MomQ we believe that motherhood is a calling from God. While it is both a privilege and an honor, it is by no means easy! Moms have a lot of questions/concerns and need caring support along their journey. Whether you are a brand new mom or a little more seasoned, MomQ is here to help you fulfill your God given role. Don’t see a group in your area? Contact us today about starting one in your community!
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