How thankful are you?
I want to believe I’m full of gratitude, but you wouldn’t know that from my prayers. If you heard me pray, you would hear a few heartfelt thank-yous, but the main takeaway from your peek inside my prayer life would probably consist of a long list of desires I’m still hoping God will provide. The things I’m requesting are all very good and Godly petitions.
Does it matter that my pleas are front and center when I talk with God?
How important is it that we prioritize an attitude of gratitude.
Does it matter that we instill a spirit of thankfulness in our children?
Yes, living thankfully matters!
We live in a comfortable society where most of us have more than the bare necessities. While we can appreciate having enough food and a roof over our heads, that doesn’t come to the forefront of our minds when the baby hasn’t slept in three days and the toddler simultaneously refuses to eat healthy food, or when our teenager becomes moody and hangs out with less desirable friends. Our needs tend to dominate our prayer life when we feel we have maxed out our own ability to cope well.
Let’s face it. Raising children can feel like a whack-a-mole game. The minute we solve one problem, another one pops up. Once we have more than one child, the whack-a-mole game becomes more intense. We may struggle with two or three issues at once, and it feels like it’s all we can do to maintain our sanity and keep the kids (and ourselves) safe, clean, fed, and rested.
It’s human nature to focus on our problems because we were designed for perfection. We were created for life with the Lord, not life in a sin filled world. Living wasn’t supposed to be so hard. Unfortunately, perfection isn’t attainable on this side of heaven.
How can we choose gratitude despite our struggles, and why is that important, especially as we raise our children?
God certainly cares about our problems!
He knows the pressures we face, and He doesn’t feel pleasure watching us fight wearily through each day. While we shouldn’t minimize our difficulties, it’s important to remember that God is bigger than any problem we face. Taking our eyes off Jesus to focus on our problems is a tactic from the enemy to keep us from experiencing the abundant life. It’s important to bring our hardships to God, but it’s equally important to thankfully remember all He’s done for us in the past. Acknowledging His past provision reminds us of His good plan to provide for us in the future.
Having gratitude is one of the best strategies for coping with challenges.
All of us are going to face difficulties. That’s a given on this earth. Focusing on what we have, not on what we want, gives us hope, and hope gives us confidence that our future is worth living. Studies show that people, even children, who feel thankful, sleep better, have less stress, more optimism, better relationships, and are less inclined to suffer from anxiety and depression. Those are all benefits I want for my children, and I’m guessing you would like for your children to have these advantages as well!
So how can we shift our focus from our struggles to thankfulness?
One way is by focusing on what we have, not what we want. God has worked and continues to work in all of us – all the time. God longs to bless us! It’s hard to see our blessings when we’re focusing on our struggles. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of what He’s already done for us.
We used this strategy when one of our young adults wrestled with a problem for over a year. My husband and I offered various solutions, but she stubbornly refused to believe any of them would work. Over time, her emotional state of mind worsened. It was awful to see her struggle, but harder for her, because her challenge was real and difficult to resolve. After another suggestion from us and another obstinate rejection from her, my husband proposed that she get a journal. He told her to write down three things that made her thankful each morning after she woke up. She immediately dismissed his idea, but this time, my husband pushed back. Authoritatively and somewhat forcefully, he said, “This is science, and it works!”
His vehemence took her by surprise and meekly, although skeptically, she agreed to try it. After a week, she felt better. After a month, it was a habit that she now credits for changing her life.
Our children are little sponges. If we have a spirit of thankfulness, they will follow suit.
Aside from being an important role model, how else can we cultivate a spirit of gratitude in our children?
Here are three suggestions:
1.) Ask your children to name a way they saw God provide for them that day. If they had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and they declare there was nothing good about that day, you can point out that they have a comfortable bed, a stuffed animal that they love, and it wasn’t raining. Go back to the basics and help them see God’s provision that many of us tend to take for granted. If they had a good day and willingly find things that make them thankful, remind them that those things come from God.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17 (NIV)
2.) Point out generosity. These are all examples of charitable acts: a friend spending time with them, a gift from a relative, a sibling sharing their snack, a thank you note, an unexpected hug, help from a teacher, even another driver motioning your car to go first. Point these out to your child so they start to recognize and be grateful for the simple kindness of others in their lives.
3.) Play the alphabet game with a twist. Instead of going to the grocery store and shopping for alphabetically ordered items, share alphabetically ordered acts of kindness. I’m thankful that you Ask me how I’m feeling. I’m thankful for baseball games. I’m thankful for cooking with you. I’m thankful for our dog, etc.
4.) Teach your children to serve others. Serving moves our focus from ourselves to others. Draw pictures or send a note to a relative who is sick. Volunteer in your community. Help your kids raise funds by hosting a garage sale, selling cookies or lemonade, or paying them to help around the house, and then have them donate a portion to charity. Buy presents for a needy family at Christmas and have your child help wrap the presents and deliver them.
5.) Give your kids another perspective. People who travel to third world countries often return with a renewed sense of gratitude because they witness people who have so little feel so content. Without minimizing your child’s problems, help them realize that no matter what they are experiencing, they have ______ that others don’t have.
To those who have been called, who are loved in God the Father and kept for Jesus Christ: Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance.
Jude 1:1-2
As believers, God has called us, loved us, and will keep us as His until we meet Jesus in heaven. Meanwhile, He offers us mercy, peace, and love. Help your child memorize and internalize that verse using your own creativity or by discussing with them what a gift that is. It’s a gift that no one can take away…ever! Cultivating a thankful heart helps us to experience those gifts in abundance and helping our children feel thankful will be a blessing on top of that.
Practicing generosity can many times cultivate a spirit of gratitude and thankfulness. The peace and freedom that come from being obedient to God’s call to give allows for His blessings to follow. Undeniably, this Spotify podcast conversation with Candace Nassar, founder of MomQ, and Anita McGinnis will encourage you to embrace a generous spirit and to trust God with your resources, time, and talents this holiday season. Watch His blessings flow!