A monthly spotlight to celebrate real motherhood, anchored in grace.
Kelli Tomaszewski lives in Austin, TX, where she’s raising her daughter Minka (4) alongside her husband — her middle school sweetheart. Kelli works as a preschool teacher and is part of a momQ group her church calls Moms Together.
HER STORY & CALLING
Before motherhood, how did you picture the kind of mom you’d be — and what surprised you most about who you actually became?
I think I pictured myself the way most first-time-moms picture themselves. Caring, loving, gentle, soft-spoken, playful, energetic, someone who’d learn to bake — love it and rock it.
I was none of those things (especially the baking part)! It should have come as no surprise as I was (unbeknownst to me) coming to the end of a long 12 year battle with alcoholism and addiction. I struggled with postpartum rage and depression. I was cold and violent, physically and verbally. There was a time that I’d almost hurt my baby (who was not even 6mo old) and that was the breaking point.
That was when Jesus allowed me to come to Him, and I always say I had no idea what I was stepping into! I had no idea what the Gospel was about or who Jesus was. I was at the end of myself, I couldn’t bear to be the terror I was to my family anymore. Either I was going to leave, or something beyond myself had to step in. I hit my knees, in total desperation for the safety of my child, and prayed to God saying, “If You would protect Minka from me, if you would save her, I will commit my life to you”.
And girl, did He ever show up (and show off)!
“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.” —John 6:44 ESV
“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” —John 14:6 ESV
What part of your faith has been deepened, tested, or completely transformed by raising your child?
Every part. I started at ground zero and had no foundation. But if I had to choose, it would have to be trust. Through every mistake and every victory God has used to deepen, test and transform our relationship.
Whenever I lose my temper with Minka, I have to depend on Him for grace, mercy, comfort and support or else the shame and guilt would rip me apart. For a long time it felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for God to be done with me, to leave me because I’d keep making the same mistakes, keep sinning in the same way, repenting in vain it would seem like.
I’ve come to learn to put whatever I have (and believe me its not much, I am a very weak-minded/weak-willed person) into trusting in Jesus. Sometimes it feels very tentatively, but He is truly all I’ve got. What else can I do after knowing Him than to keep believing, and keep depending on Him to keep testing me, to keep growing the faith He’s given me in Him?
“Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.’” —John 6:68-69 ESV
Is there a Scripture that feels like it was written for this exact season of your life?
“So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord — who is the Spirit — makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image.” —2 Corinthians 3:18
HER COMMUNITY
What brought you to this group — and what made you stay?
God did! Our momQ group at church is called Moms Together, and to be honest I was not really keen on joining at first. I was working two part-time jobs, was struggling in the roles of motherhood and the job God has placed me in (a preschool teacher at my church’s part-time preschool, could you believe it?! I still can’t), and the thought of opening up to a group of women I didn’t really know was daunting. One of the Mentor Moms approached me about it roughly three times, on the 3rd time she looked me squarely in the face and said “I really believe you need to be a part of Moms Together.” I thought, “Okay, God, I’m listening” and have attended ever since.
What made me stay is the warmth, the genuine love, the laughter, the authenticity of each woman I have met in our group. No one batted an eye when I spoke the raw darkness of the life I lived before Christ. I love and look forward to the Spirit led conversations and studies each semester.
Describe a moment in this community when you felt truly seen by another mom — in a conversation, or just in showing up.
Pretty much every mom in our group! I have shown up in a rotten mood, depressed, overjoyed, overwhelmed, I have shown up with questions. Each time I have been met with Scripture, encouragement, love, understanding, and someone is always there ready to pass the tissues!
There has been one woman in particular. I have not had an easy life, it was one of a lot of pain (sometimes it happened to me, sometimes I caused the pain of others). Then one wonderful God-fearing lady met with me and shared her testimony with me. It floored me because she was the first person I had met with a past so similar, yet of course so very different than my own. God has used her to encourage me greatly to continue sharing my testimony, as well as blessed me with a much cherished friendship.
How has momQ impacted your life?
momQ has impacted my life in such a wonderful way. The Spirit is surely over this ministry. You have given such practical help to so many different obstacles as a wife and mother and the women who are a part of this ministry have definitely used their God-given wisdom and talents to bless the lives and homes of so many, myself included! I cannot name a single lesson that hasn’t left a lasting impact.
FAITH IN THE EVERYDAY
Describe a moment from the last month when you clearly felt God’s presence — even if the moment itself was ordinary or messy.
Okay listen… this was very recent, and it may seem funny but I’ll bet it may resonate with some mama’s out there. I CLEARLY felt God’s presence during POTTY TRAINING!
My girl has been potty training since she was 3½, it has not gone as smoothly as I had hoped. We’ve had so many setbacks, and my worst comes out in those moments. We would have long stretches of no accidents, and then we would have long stretches of multiple accidents daily or weekly. The ugly truth is it wore me so thin. I would yell, I would spank, I would criticize, I would represent the farthest thing from Christ. And every time after I would go in my room, full of shame and regret in repentance, begging God to break me of this pattern for her sake.
Working in early childhood education, I knew the ramifications it had on her mental and emotional state and that made it hurt so much more, because I still couldn’t control myself. I prayed and prayed and prayed for a victory, knowing I didn’t have what it took to stop myself.
The last time she had an accident, I excused myself as I felt the anger rising. I walked out of the bathroom and fell on my knees, face to the ground, praying fervently for God to help me. I prayed for self-control, I prayed to let go, I prayed to approach this with gentleness, I prayed for peace. I prayed and prayed with heart racing until suddenly I could feel the Holy Spirit granting me the strength and power needed to approach this with His grace. Only a couple of minutes seemed to have gone by, He swiftly came to the rescue. And I feel much more confident in Him that we can handle more accidents together. A simple messy moment turned into a sweet resounding victory.
All glory to God.
What does your prayer life actually look like right now — not the version you wish it looked like, but the real one?
It’s not perfect. There are days when I literally say, “I don’t know where to start, I don’t know what to say”. Or I hold back, or I act like a child running from their parents in a fit until soothed enough to speak, some days I forget to pray or drag it out when I wake up (not a morning person over here), most days its short and me focused instead of Christ seeking.
Some days, I talk to Him all day in little moments. Praying for whoever comes to mind, asking Him to help me pick out an outfit because I’ve been standing there staring at the closet too long, asking Him random questions that pop in my head, asking Him to help me get through the day intentionally, praying for forgiveness when I’m trying to focus on Him but my mind is focused on worldly stuff.
Asking Him to help me learn and remember to praise Him for all that He’s given us and all that we see, because truly I want my heart to want nothing more than a genuine two-sided relationship with Him. I pray for Him to help me love Him and others as He has commanded, because I yearn for Him and know my love is so shallow compared to the way He loves.
It’s messy, and imperfect. But I trust in His words as Romans 8:26 says, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” —Romans 8:26 ESV
Where are you asking God for help most often these days?
To invest wisely and intentionally in my daughter.
To grow in love and the other fruits of the Spirit.
To become faithful in handling money — I don’t know how else to say it, I’m foolish with money. Its been a long, on-going prayer and battle.
GRACE OVER PERFECTION
Tell us about a recent moment you had to choose grace, either for yourself or your child. What made it hard?
I can’t pinpoint a singular moment rather than just the daily practice of unlearning negative habits and self-talk when I fall short. Letting the Spirit heal past trauma and looking to God’s Word to form new neural pathways as I learn to trust in Him at the pace He sets, “And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” —Colossians 3:10 ESV
What makes it hard is the human tendency to want to take control, because, obviously we know better than the Almighty omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God in our finite, frail and limited state; The doubting when a prayer has seemingly gone unanswered, you know, those moments when it appears your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling.
What’s something you used to believe a “good mom” had to do that you’ve since let go of?
A good mom does it all, and does it perfectly.
I cannot do it all, and I am the farthest from perfect. I don’t cling to what a “good” mom would do anymore, but rather now try to set my eyes on Jesus’ example. I always think of the passages in the Bible when the rich young ruler called Jesus “Good Teacher” and Jesus’ reply was this, “And Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.’” —Luke 18:19 ESV
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” —Philippians 2:5-8 ESV
What is God gently teaching you right now that you didn’t ask to learn?
Oh, so much. But to hone in on a specific matter in motherhood — to listen and learn how to play again. Here’s something I feel is like a dirty secret in the “mom world” that I rarely hear many moms discuss… I don’t like playing with my kid…. I don’t really like playing at all, which is kind of also a huge part of my job description as a teacher, ha! My kind of “play” is reading and exercise. (I’m even in a season where I’m not really enjoying exercise too much right now. Its hard!) However, play is SO crucial for brain development in the early years. Did you know that 90% of the brain is developed by age 5? (Correct me if wrong!) God’s only job for toddlers is to play! It has been hard and humbling, but so welcomed.
WISDOM & LEGACY
When your child is grown and looks back on their childhood, what do you hope they feel — not just remember?
I pray Minka will remember feeling loved, safe, seen, and heard, that her heart was important to her dad and I.
This is probably the biggest fear the enemy uses against me right now, he and I both know the many areas I fall short and the mistakes I’ve made and only God knows the mistakes I’ll make in the future.
But God can redeem anyone and anything. Even the mom who yells, who is distracted, who is busy, overwhelmed, confronting old trauma, breaking generational curses, the moms who had and have little to no support.
If I look at this purely from a human standpoint, it seems impossible. Way out of my reach as I can honestly say I lack the tools necessary to raise her. I have to intentionally leave this in God’s hands, and parent from a place of trust rather than fear.
He is Lord of lords and King of kings.
Finish this sentence: “Being a mom with faith means…”
Setting your hopes — your eyes on God. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the suffering of the world around us, to be consumed in fear over the future of our kids, to grow stagnant and freeze with overwhelm of the day to day stewarding of what has been entrusted to us, to become idle and blinded with distractions, to become discouraged and be tempted to throw in the towel when we come to the inevitable truth that we are not enough, and that’s okay.
We set our eyes on Jesus, we cannot live in this fallen world and raise these kids on our own. How fortunate, how blessed we are that we don’t have to! We keep being faithful in what we’ve been given, if you don’t know how, trust God will see you through it. He will never leave you or forsake you. We don’t strive for perfection, we strive for consistency in humble dependence on the King who’s given you the faith you have now to endure.
Being a mom with faith means we cover our husband’s and our children in prayer and lift them up with open hands to the Father, knowing He will teach us how to love and serve our household well.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” —Psalm 42:11 ESV
A SCRIPTURE OR PRAYER TO SHARE
Is there a verse or prayer you’d like to pass along to the moms reading this?
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” —Ephesians 6:10-11 ESV
“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” —Joshua 1:8 ESV
Armor up, Mama’s! We have been given these children to raise under the authority of the Ancient of Days. Our homes are our mission field, and our brains and hearts are often the battlefield. But take heart, we do not fight alone.
Be in the Word daily, I KNOW its hard to find time to be in personal Bible study, but pray for God to fill you with a thirst and hunger of His good Word and presence and grow in knowledge after your Creator. He will help you find time, He wants you to know and love him more than you do. If all you’ve got is five minutes, dive deep into that. Ask God to pierce your heart with it. Sometimes I’m studying with my toddler scream-singing at the top of her lungs right next to me, sometimes I wake up just early enough to get some time in alone with Him, sometimes its right before bed, or making dinner, sometimes its in the car when my husband is driving.
None of it is routine, and focus can get choppy; As Isaiah 55:10-11 says, “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” —Isaiah 55:10-11 ESV
His Word will never return void. You may have to sacrifice and fight for the time to be in it, but it is worth it every time.
Lastly, “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” —Exodus 14:14 ESV
When you’re feeling at the end of your rope, remember His promises. Be in prayer, stand firm on the truth of God’s Word, be in fellowship and know that I will also be praying for you.
Write a note to yourself — either 5 years ago or 5 years from now.
Only God knows where you and your family will be 5 years from now. Whatever happens, He is always faithful, His character is unchanging. Remember, He has already blessed you with more than you thought ever possible. You’re married to your middle school sweetheart, you have a beautifully sweet daughter together, and you lived long enough to see gray hairs! Hallelujah!
I know your future seems unpredictable right now, and your family’s goals and desires seem to get farther away and the outcome is unclear. But keep doing what you were called to do, and leave the rest to God. Walk with the Lord, trust in His promises, keep your hope in the Lord and not on this temporary life. However precious or hard it may be, eternity with Jesus is the true treasure, and through His redemptive work on the cross you have received adoption as His beloved daughter.
You’re never alone.
Remember God loves your children and husband more than you do. And He loves you more than you’ll ever know
At momQ we believe that motherhood is a calling from God. While it is both a privilege and an honor, it is by no means easy! Moms have a lot of questions/concerns and need caring support along their journey. Whether you are a brand new mom or a little more seasoned, momQ is here to help you fulfill your God given role. Don’t see a group in your area? Contact us today about starting one in your community!
