A monthly spotlight to celebrate real motherhood, anchored in grace.
Rachel Bender lives in Austin, TX, where she’s raising Arwen (17), Tauriel (7), Dash (5), and Coda (4) alongside her husband. She attends The Austin Stone Northwest and is heading into her fourth season at momQ.
HER STORY & CALLING
Before motherhood, how did you picture the kind of mom you’d be — and what surprised you most about who you actually became?
I grew up looking forward to becoming a mom, and always pictured myself staying at home with my kids. So, many years later when I found myself unmarried and unexpectedly pregnant at 25 it definitely altered the original vision I had of the kind of mom I would have to become. Where I had once dreamt of calm, flexible days spent caring for my child on my own terms, my reality was me struggling to juggle life solo as a full-time-single-mom, working full-time, and basically being full-time exhausted! Ha! I definitely grappled with a sense of disappointment in what my version of motherhood had become. It was far less calm and “tidy” than I had hoped. What surprised me at that point though, was that as I clung to the encouragement of God’s Word, and continued to remain in Christian community, I began to perceive how strong the Lord had been making me through my difficult season of motherhood. I was strong in my faith, and honestly I had become strong in just plain old life! I started to see how God had been using my version of motherhood – tired, and imperfect as it was, to create in me eternal fruits, and build in me attributes of strength and perseverance, that He would continue to use as a part of the work he was completing in me. I thank God for the truth in 2 Corinthians 12:10, that continues to remind me as a mom that it is “…when I am weak, then I am strong.”
What part of your faith has been deepened, tested, or completely transformed by raising your child?
Today, I am married and have four children and it seems, to an ever increasing degree, that God continues to deepen my faith in trusting the His ability to provide for our needs. In my initial season of parenting as a single-mother, it was easy to feel overwhelmed by the needs that went hand-in-hand with the responsibility of parenting. I remember feeling small and powerless, but as my journey of motherhood unfolded, I began to watch in awe as the Lord orchestrated one miraculous story after another, demonstrating His love and His strong and faithful hand of provision for my daughter and me. Honestly, I could share so many miraculous stories of the Lord providing for our needs; often in forms I could never have predicted, sometimes just in the nick of time, and almost always against-all-odds. Experiencing this provisional aspect of God’s nature in those early years as a mom has had such a profound impact on how I respond to our, now much larger family’s, basic needs today. At this point in my spiritual walk, I am so much better equipped to tap into the spiritual muscle memory that developed in me over those years, and recall, “Lord, I have watched you make a way, when there was no way, and you can do it again today!”.
Is there a Scripture that feels like it was written for this exact season of your life?
Isaiah 43: 18-19 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
HER COMMUNITY
What brought you to this group and what made you stay?
I attend church at The Austin Stone Northwest and met Sue, my wonderful Mentor Mom, during one of our church’s events. While we were in conversation, she mentioned she was involved in momQ as a Mentor Mom, and invited me to check it out! Right away I loved that the curriculum was so explicitly rooted in scripture, and the teaching and care shown by the leadership team felt authentic and life-giving. My kids have attended momQ childcare over the years and have loved their teachers! In fact, every time we go to the Summer Moon at the Steiner Ranch location my son looks up on the hilltop and excitedly shouts, “Look! It’s momQ!”It is such a gift to be able to just show up during the week, take a breath, enjoy a homemade breakfast (!!), settle-in, and slow down to receive real encouragement from the Bible. This will be my fourth season at momQ, with Sue as my Mentor Mom! This ministry has been both a gift, and an answer to prayer for spiritual community. I am so grateful that the Lord led me to it!
Describe a moment in this community when you felt truly seen by another mom — in a conversation, or just in showing up.
I can’t emphasize enough how truly seen and cared for I have felt by the leadership team at momQ. I went through a time of extreme crisis in my family about a year and a half ago and momQ was such a safe place for me to vulnerably share my struggle and ask for prayer. It makes me teary even as I write this, because I was so moved by the amount of intentional prayer and genuine care I was shown, not only from Sue, my incredible Mentor Mom, but also from the women in momQ’s extended leadership team. These women serve us so faithfully and they so genuinely care about us. I thank the Lord for the gift of their obedience in responding to His call on their lives through this ministry. Thank you for serving us so beautifully.
How has momQ impacted your life?
I grew up never having had a mentor figure in my life, so momQ was really one of the first introductions I had to one. What a beautiful model of fellowship I discovered it is! It has taught me so much about the value of listening and learning from the experiences of godly women who have already walked through my current life season. Having a safe place to come with questions and the need for advice has been, and continues to be such a valuable gift!
FAITH IN THE EVERYDAY
Describe a moment from the last month when you clearly felt God’s presence, even if the moment itself was ordinary or messy.
Sunday morning worship at my church is one of the most consistent times I feel the strong presence of God. I so look forward to those sacred moments as a church body when we get to come together to express gratitude and praise to our God. He is so worthy of every bit of it!
What does your prayer life actually look like right now, not the version you wish it looked like, but the real one?
This has to be one of my biggest areas of growth right now. The perfectionist in me wishes I had beautiful, well-crafted moments of quiet, uninterrupted prayer time, but in this season of life my prayer life takes far less tidy forms. I pray out loud with the kids, usually while we are in the car on the way to school, or when something that could use prayer comes up in discussion, and I usually pray privately while falling into bed or waking up in the morning. Our church holds monthly prayer gatherings that I absolutely love going to. Those gatherings are designed to create some much needed space for quiet focused time in prayer, and that time always reminds me what a true nourishment prayer is for the soul.
Where are you asking God for help most often these days?
Right now, my oldest daughter is a senior in high school, so I feel like one of my most consistent prayers lately is for guidance and provision in that process. Truly it is a daily exercise to set down my anxieties in this area.
GRACE OVER PERFECTION
Tell us about a recent moment you had to choose grace, either for yourself or your child. What made it hard?
I still cringe at the silly example that comes to mind here – but I share it because it actually involves much-needed grace extended to me by my own kids! So, as you might imagine, our household exists in a pretty constant state of low-grade chaos with four kids. I’m a fairly organized person though, which helps when it comes to keeping on top of things like school deadlines and events. That’s why, last year when the announcement was sent to parents to purchase yearbooks, I placed our order right away. As the year went on, we received a few email reminders, a notice that the ordering window was closing, AND a final notice that the school had only a few extra copies that they were going to auction off if anyone had missed the yearbook ordering cutoff. Naturally, since I had already placed our order, I disregarded the reminders. Finally, the highly anticipated yearbooks were to to be distributed on the last day of school, but as my girls got in the car at pick-up that day, I discovered them both in tears explaining that the school “did not have yearbooks for them”. I was surprised and confused but promised to get to the bottom of it. Well, it turns out, I had never ACTUALLY placed the order for their yearbooks in the first place after all. It was completely my fault and I couldn’t fix it. So, naturally, I promised to never forgive myself!!! As I grappled with my mistake, both girls were so quick to extend such generous grace to me; sweetly and willingly. No tantrums, no blaming, no announcements that I had ruined their lives forever. Just sweet, compassionate grace offered as I took the ownership and sincerely apologized to them for my mistake through my own tears! I knew perfectly well how disappointed they were inside, which made their generous extension of grace that much more impactful. It was both moving and humbling. I think back on it from time to time, because honestly, it still challenges my own heart in wondering whether or not I stand ready to demonstrate that same kind of grace to others – or even to them!! Certainly it is something to aspire to.
And also (no seriously) if anybody happens to know of anyone with an extra Valor North Austin 2025/26 Yearbook, please tell them I am interested!!! *HA!* Sob.
What’s something you used to believe a “good mom” had to do that you’ve since let go of?
We have kids ranging in ages from 4 to 17, and a few years ago our family prayerfully decided to enroll in a charter school which provided a great educational opportunity for our kids, but also imposed a pretty substantial daily commute for us. I used to believe that a “good mom” would have dinner made from scratch most nights and would be able to offer their kids ALL the extra curricular opportunities. With the size of our family and our daily commute however, our options for extracurriculars narrowed dramatically and dinners often had to be quick and easy. I was really hard on myself about this for a long time until I shared it with Sue, my Mentor Mom, as a form of internal tension I was struggling with. I will never forget the gracious advice she gave me! First, she asked me if my husband and I had been prayerful about our decision for what school to enroll our kids in. I told her we really had been prayerful, and that we felt a strong confirmation, peace, and agreement with each other in it. Her response at that point was quite simply, “Great! Then you can rest in that decision and be at peace letting everything else fall into place around it.” Even if it meant being involved in fewer activities or having simpler meals during the week. Her advice brought be so much freedom! …P.S. we picked up Chick-Fil-A on the way home for dinner ;).
What is God gently teaching you right now that you didn’t ask to learn?
I think the Lord has been allowing me to get in close touch with the reality that my trying to cling to control in circumstances that were not meant for me to control is not only fruitless, but exhausting! Specifically navigating the college exploration and application process with my oldest has brought so much anxiety. Wanting the most for my daughter, and not knowing how to determine which path will offer her the best outcome is such an uncomfortable feeling for me. Daily, I am having to remind myself that God cares for my daughter even more than I do, and that He already sees her where she will land in college. My role is to exercise diligence in the parts of the process that do depend on us, and trust Him for the rest. Such a challenging lesson to be learning right now!
WISDOM & LEGACY
When your child is grown and looks back on their childhood, what do you hope they feel, not just remember?
More than anything, I hope my children look back and remember feeling the love of Christ Jesus! I feel no greater responsibility in my parenting, than teaching and demonstrating to them that they are profoundly loved and treasured by their Creator.
Finish this sentence: “Being a mom with faith means…
… remaining well rooted in that which I put my faith IN!” Regularly staying in God’s Word is such an imperative part of living a faith-filled life. We live in a current that constantly tries to pull us into so many other directions!
A SCRIPTURE OR PRAYER TO SHARE
Is there a verse or prayer you’d like to pass along to the moms reading this?
Isaiah 40:11 “He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in His arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”
At momQ we believe that motherhood is a calling from God. While it is both a privilege and an honor, it is by no means easy! Moms have a lot of questions/concerns and need caring support along their journey. Whether you are a brand new mom or a little more seasoned, momQ is here to help you fulfill your God given role. Don’t see a group in your area? Contact us today about starting one in your community!
