Candace Nassar (00:00.962)
Well, welcome to our Mom Q mingle this morning, everyone. Hi Annie, how are you today?
Annie Mendrala (00:05.824)
Hi Candace, good. Good morning.
Candace Nassar (00:08.684)
Good, good to see you. So I haven’t talked to you since we discussed joy and I know that that really ministered to both of us and we’re going to share some of that this morning. But go ahead and just update us what’s been happening since our last momQ mingle
Annie Mendrala (00:25.174)
Well, it’s been a lot of fun in the sun. Mike and I took our two of our boys with some other families and we went scuba diving. And I realized as we were doing that, how much fun we have as a family doing that, which we don’t get to do a ton. So it was a sweet time because Dylan’s getting ready to leave for college. He’s just graduated high school. So our discussion on joy has really been on my mind-just to trust God for the future of our family.
Candace Nassar (00:28.128)
Annie Mendrala (00:55.212)
And to just keep cherishing those moments with my kids while I have them at home and even as they become adults, cherishing just time together. So it’s been fun. And then of course we’ve been recording our MomQ videos which have been so fun and exciting. So what’s been going on with you?
Candace Nassar (01:10.743)
Absolutely.
Candace Nassar (01:14.678)
Well, actually our family is celebrating because my youngest who, you know, is on the spectrum, just got his official CPA license this week. So it’s a big accomplishment and just an answer to so many prayers for so many years. And then he also moved out of our house this past weekend into an adult apartment that he qualified for himself. So it’s just a big celebration of him just flourishing and flying. But it is also really sad in a way because he’s my buddy and I’m really, really going to miss him being here. And so is our dog. Our dog is really going to miss HIM. But it’s good.
Annie Mendrala (02:00.878)
Can you give him the dog? Can you just say, “Here-you take the dog.”
Candace Nassar (02:04.544)
Yeah, I tried that. He wasn’t loving that idea. So he’s going to steal him every so often. So, we’re just excited and I’m just practicing gratitude because I have mixed emotions, you know, about the whole thing. And then, of course, yes, we’ve been busy with mom Q getting ready to launch our first series of video- based curriculum. So that’s been really exciting. God’s doing a lot. So very good.
Annie Mendrala (02:31.906)
Yes. Gosh. Good.
Candace Nassar (02:34.454)
Yeah. All right. Well, let’s start by talking about the love-hate relationship in our culture with busyness. Why do you think we need to be so busy, Annie?
Annie Mendrala (02:47.49)
Gosh, I think our culture, we have this phrase, work hard, play hard. It’s kind of the American motto. We see that, I think our culture really sees busyness as an indication of productivity. For sitting around doing nothing, then we say that’s lazy or wasting our time. We look down on people who take “handouts from the government” and we praise the “self -made man”.
Candace Nassar (03:05.794)
Yeah.
Annie Mendrala (03:15.724)
You know, the messages in our culture say that we value love and human rights, but if we’re honest, what we really value is money, success, and hard work to the point of exhaustion. Work hard, play hard-the American way.
Candace Nassar (03:30.476)
Yeah. I see busyness as really an idol of our hearts that the Bible warns us about a lot and we’re gonna get into that but I think you’re talking about the work aspect of busyness and I also think as a mom we have this sort of productivity measure of how busy our kids are and how busy their lives are and we want to be our children’s happiness coordinator and their cruise director. And I like to even say their “scholarship preparer” because so much of what we put them in, we’re thinking, they’re going to get a scholarship one day. But are they really, you know, so it’s kind of a trap. It’s an idol of the heart. And we also overprotect and over schedule because we see everyone else doing it.
And so we think we have to do it too, right? And so, you know, It’s a real issue in our culture and it’s so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize how stressed we are and how, you know, what the busyness is actually doing in our hearts and our bodies and our minds, you know,
Annie Mendrala (04:48.332)
Yeah, I don’t know if it’s changed in the sense of like this idea of building your kids resume from the day they’re born. I remember when my boys were little, just always feeling like, “Am I doing enough? Have I done enough? What else am I supposed to be doing?” Just this big idea of so much pressure for moms. So I’m glad we’re talking about it because I think there’s an alternative way for sure.
Candace Nassar (05:05.836)
Yeah, that’s just so much pressure.
Candace Nassar (05:12.951)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (05:17.398)
Yeah, so I mean, we know there’s benefits to being busy. So let’s talk about those for just a second. And then we’ll talk about the problems.
Annie Mendrala (05:25.792)
Yeah, busy is about being engaged or occupied with something and that’s not a bad thing. Like we need to contribute to the needs of ourselves and those around us. We need to take ownership of our lives, and steward what God has given us because honestly, work originally was designed as a good thing and so if we’re busy about the things that God has prepared for us,that’s not bad. That’s great. And actually it’s really fun and exciting. I mean, we’ve been really busy this past month, but it’s been just so much fun and it’s not taking from us. It’s something that God’s giving us. So there’s some good
Candace Nassar (05:59.895)
Thank you.
Candace Nassar (06:12.398)
Yeah, I love that. And it’s good to have work. We have a purpose. God has given us all a purpose. we know. I think in the verse Proverbs 10, Where a slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. And so God has given us a purpose. He has given us work to do. But we tend to in the idols of our hearts, we tend to go to the extreme. Right?
So work is good, especially when it’s the work of the Lord that He has ordained. And our work every day can absolutely be the work of the Lord. It’s whatever we go in and get paid, but we have to see it that way, right? So, let Him be in control of it.
Annie Mendrala (06:59.01)
You guys had an idea of where we would work for the Lord, not for man. And so I think the motive behind our work is so important to us.
Candace Nassar (07:04.181)
Exactly.
Candace Nassar (07:08.968)
Exactly, exactly. So, all right, now we’ve kind of teased out some of the problems of being busy, but let’s just dive in a little bit more. What do you see as the real issues with being busy?
Annie Mendrala (07:23.63)
Well, you said so many good ones just to kick us off. The idea that work becomes an idol, an idol for our self -fulfillment. It’s a problem when we start disregarding all our personal boundaries and give more of ourselves that’s possible apart from God. The work He designed for us was He’s going to provide what we need, the resources, the energy, the time to do the work. But when we feel like we’re so busy that we have time for nothing, then maybe we need to examine that. Is that becoming an idol? Am I trying to get something for myself versus am I trying to pour out something for God and His glory? You know, I think about, like a meal, you know, when we put way too much into Thanksgiving and Christmas, We load up our plates and then we’re just sick after it. Work is meant to be like a balanced meal. Healthy portions that satisfy and don’t make us sick. And then there’s a variety.
Candace Nassar (08:20.238)
That’s so good.
Annie Mendrala (08:22.124)
Right? There’s nutritional value to eating a good meal, just like work has good value for us. But being too busy tends to make us sick. It’s clear that stress causes health problems. It’s not good for the family. Busy hijacks that freedom we have in Christ, because it puts us into bondage of things that aren’t from God. They’re just things of the world.
Candace Nassar (08:38.911)
All
Candace Nassar (08:51.204)
You know, there’s a saying and I repeated it a lot and I’m going to say it today because it really hit me when I first heard it years ago, but BUSY. An acronym for that is Being Under Satan’s Yoke. And for me, that was so convicting because when we are so busy our plate is that full, like you’re talking about, a Thanksgiving plate, then we’re serving, we’re really serving ourselves and Satan is using that to keep us from God.
Annie Mendrala (09:28.886)
Yeah, I heard something interesting. i think it was in my quiet time this morning and it’s the idea that we think that Satan puts things in our lives that are bad, you know, to bring us down. But sometimes he could actually be contributing to things that we see are good. And those are taking us down. I mean, if we’re pursuing careers for more money or for recognition, all of those things, those could actually be a temptation of the devil. I’ve heard Satan is a gentleman. He comes dressed as a gentleman, not as that pitchfork with the horns on his head. So I agree. We’ve got to be careful to test that. Who were we being busy for?
Candace Nassar (10:11.188)
Exactly. So, okay, now let’s talk about what the Bible says about being busy.
Annie Mendrala (10:17.51)
Gosh, the Bible says so much about being busy, and really the Bible doesn’t address busyness as much as it emphasizes rest over and over. I mean at the beginning of creation, on the seventh day, God created a day of rest. That was part of the creation. Just like he created water and land and plants. He created rest. Like that’s one of the seven days.
It’s a day to slow down, a day to fellowship with God and man. So, rest is key to our rhythms of life. The Bible commands it from the beginning. And also in the 10 commandments of Moses, in the law. It’s the fourth commandment. It bridges the commandments about our relationship with God and our relationship with others. It’s a bridge, it connects. I just see it, now-Mary and Martha. That’s like a classic.
Mary’s worshiping, sitting at the feet of Jesus. Martha is distracted by all the things she’s got to do. And Jesus is like, pick the better one. Prioritize time with me over the worldly tasks that we think are important.
Candace Nassar (11:31.49)
Right. And that doesn’t mean that Martha was wrong about doing the preparations. It just means that her focus was wrong. Her heart wasn’t right. Right?
Annie Mendrala (11:42.09)
Yeah, I mean, we have to eat. It is clear that God created us. We have to have food, shelter, and water. Those things are important. But when it’s the abundance of it. And our American culture is so abundant. Even some of what we call, you know, poor in the world standards, have wealth beyond our perspective. it’s really jaded.
Candace Nassar (11:58.147)
Mm.
Candace Nassar (12:10.69)
Yeah, yeah, I love how Martha was, or Mary’s focus was on Jesus teaching the importance of prioritizing spiritual nourishment over worldly tasks. And so that’s the key-the priority,
Annie Mendrala (12:26.23)
Yeah, yeah, because work is part of the thing that feeds our soul. If we’re not working by ourselves, we’re working with God. Everything in life is about a relationship with Him, knowing Him and Him alone, and being known by Him. So we have to see our job, especially as a mom in our families, as a wife, as a mom, as a neighbor, in everything we do. That we’re doing this with God. That this is a partnership with Him.
Candace Nassar (12:42.115)
Mm -hmm.
Candace Nassar (12:54.858)
Yes, and that makes me think of honestly, one of my very favorite verses and lately, my key verse or life verse is in Matthew 11: 28 through 30. And I actually just want to read it. I have it here and I would just like to read it. Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from For I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Annie Mendrala (13:32.048)
Amen. You know, I heard something about that yesterday actually. That in the context of scripture, that verse is actually in a context with the religious leaders, the Pharisees and the people who were trying to follow all the rules. All these man made things was making them weary and burdened because they couldn’t keep up with it. It wasn’t God’s design. So I love that.
Candace Nassar (13:33.432)
such.
Candace Nassar (13:54.157)
Yes.
Annie Mendrala (14:01.046)
God has called us, not what the world has, not what man has decided is good or not good. It’s going to what God decided. That’s where we find rest.
Candace Nassar (14:11.85)
Absolutely. Absolutely. Think about our culture, we kind of follow the rules of our culture saying we need to do all of these things, have our kids in all these activities, participate in everything out there. And there’s just no time to sit with God and allow Him to take on His yoke, right? We got to. That’s the side by side.
Annie Mendrala (14:18.518)
Really?
Candace Nassar (14:39.626)
The yoke of the oxen- he is side by side with us. If we’re His, you know, it’s a partnership where He’s really in control. And we’re just leaning in.
Annie Mendrala (14:51.212)
Yeah, that’s so good-that picture of being equally yoked with God. We’re back to that relationship side by side with him, and when we try to go a different direction, that’s just that creates chaos in that yoke.
Candace Nassar (15:05.728)
Yeah, I mean, imagine the oxen with one going one way and the other going another. They’re not going to get much plowed, right?
Annie Mendrala (15:13.662)
Not gonna get done. No.
Candace Nassar (15:15.254)
Yeah, so it’s kind of counterintuitive, really, to what our culture teaches. So there’s an amazing book. I’ve talked about it many times. We studied it as leaders last spring. I actually put it on social media. It was the book of the year and it’s called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. And in it he says hurry is the enemy of God.
Annie Mendrala (15:19.671)
Yeah
Annie Mendrala (15:35.608)
Thank you.
Candace Nassar (15:43.702)
So when we’re busy, when we’re so busy that we are in such a hurry, He’s saying it’s the enemy of God. What do you think of that?
Annie Mendrala (15:54.678)
Yeah, I don’t want to be God’s enemy. That’s what I’m thinking. I’ve spent too much of my life trying to do things my own way and being that ox that’s trying to walk off in my own way. I can see it because if you’re an enemy, you’re not on this. You’re not aligned. You’re not on the same team. And so trying to get ahead of God, it’s foolish for one, right? It’s just foolish. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (16:15.298)
Mm. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (16:20.94)
Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. Well, let’s now introduce, most of our listeners have probably heard, the concept of “margin”, but let’s just kind of review it. So what is “margin” to you?
Annie Mendrala (16:36.3)
Well, I was doing a little chat GPT on this. You know, we think about page margins, that white space in the edge so that when things get printed, the context gets cut off. We think about profit margins in business. You know, how much money did we make or lose?
Margin in those contexts we understand, but what we’re talking about today is about relational margin-an internal personal margin with ourselves and others. It’s just a buffer. It’s space so that we’re not so maxed out-that we can’t enjoy what we’re doing. I mean God calls us to delight and to enjoy This life is meant to be that. So, if we’re not feeling,
Candace Nassar (17:07.82)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Annie Mendrala (17:23.532)
we probably need to examine our margin internally and externally. You know, I was thinking about this. As mothers, we have personal resources, energy, time, and emotional availability. And there’s nothing like a toddler screaming on the ground to max out.
Candace Nassar (17:28.856)
So good.
Annie Mendrala (17:44.812)
Your emotional resources, right? And so if you find yourself, I remember when I was a mom, I was just so quick to get angry at times. And I hated that. I didn’t want to be like that. But I think it’s, I was just not building margin space for myself, first of all, because I had nothing to give because I wasn’t pouring, allowing God to pour into me because I was trying to meet the needs of everyone around me.
Candace Nassar (17:47.49)
Yes.
Annie Mendrala (18:08.738)
So we’ve got to have margins, and you and I were talking about this the other day. I had the “aha”, that margin starts in our hearts and our minds. We have to get ourselves in a head space where we can be available to the work that God has for us. And the only way to do that is through starting with prayer, through quieting our minds. You have a great thing. Share your centered prayer. I love how you do it.
Candace Nassar (18:33.805)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (18:39.082)
Yeah, so it was actually introduced to me by one of our mentor moms. It’s an app called Center. I think it’s Centering Prayer, but it allows me to put a timer on and it actually has a ring and I just sit there quietly trying to just listen to God and allow him to just fill my cup. And I’m up to eight minutes. That doesn’t sound very much.
but I have increased it recently, so I’m really excited. Every time my mind wanders, I have a word that I come back to, and it’s “abide”. And I just keep imagining myself sitting with Jesus, Him being the vine, and I am the branches, “Abide in me and remain in me, and you will bear much fruit.” And so that’s really, I just allow Him to speak. And sometimes I don’t hear anything, but it’s amazing how…
I breathe easier. When I do that, I walk away. This is after I’ve had time for prayer. It’s just listening to Him. And yes, I’m in a space in my life where I don’t have kids at home and I can do that. But at the same time, I think that we can find places in our day to do something like that. We just have to make it a practice. so doing it has really given me a lot more margin.
Annie Mendrala (20:01.442)
I love that. because the world is very much all about meditation and these things, even the medical community talks about this because when we sit, and this is not man made, this is God made. Just even something like breathing and bringing, I realized for a long time I would hold my breath and I’m like, just breathe. I remember a therapist saying, just breathe, just breathe.
Candace Nassar (20:19.723)
Mm
Candace Nassar (20:27.63)
Annie, you and I are like twins. I had a therapist teach me literally how to breathe.
Annie Mendrala (20:34.006)
I mean, really, like how basic is that? I mean as intelligent as I am, I was like really, that’s all I gotta do? It’s amazing because that oxygen fills our bodies. Like there is medicinal value to a good deep breath. And then I love, so you do that centered prayer after you spend time with God? I love that, because then you can meditate. We’ve talked about this in one of our talks about “meditating on the Word” is about “chewing it”.
Candace Nassar (20:40.216)
Ha ha.
Candace Nassar (20:53.068)
Yeah.
Annie Mendrala (21:01.527)
Like a cow chewing the cud, you know, it’s so beautiful. I love it.
Candace Nassar (21:05.93)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah, it’s so great. And I can’t recommend it enough. You know, I was reading, there’s a quote from a guy named James Bryan Smith that says, “When we lack margin in our lives, we become tired and lonely and joyless, which seems to invite temptation. Margin restores balance and restores our soul, thus increasing our capacity for joy.”
So isn’t that,
Annie Mendrala (21:35.564)
You’re going to make that the tag on this podcast. That’s such a good quote.
Candace Nassar (21:40.234)
It really is. I mean, we can’t, you know, and it’s so neat that we’re following up our talk on joy with talking about margin because really they go together.
Annie Mendrala (21:50.068)
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Candace Nassar (21:51.532)
They really do. And I love how you were talking about the white space on a page because for me, I do a lot of writing and typing just because of, you know, MomQ and what I do. And sometimes I have this temptation to say, “I’ve got to say all these things”. So, let me make the margins smaller and smaller and smaller until there’s like no white space on the page. And then it’s like, you can’t, you can’t even read it. It’s so stressful to look at it. It’s clear that something needs to be cut out, right? You don’t have to say all those things. And so when we can cut those things out for God. We’re sitting there praying and asking God, okay, “What can I cut out so that I have more margin?” He’s going to show you because you don’t want that page that’s so crammed, the words crammed on it. It’s just, it’s too stressful. So, I mean, if you’re rushing from one thing to the next and you’re always late, and I’ve been there, I’ve had times like that in my life, that means you don’t have enough margin.
Annie Mendrala (22:59.402)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, I love it on Sundays after church. I love to just stay with Mike, and I we’re usually the last people there because we just stay and we just talk to people. It’s like I’m here. I’m gonna be present. I’m gonna enjoy this now. I know when you have little kids and they’re crying and they’re hungry, I get that, but whenever I have time to just be present, it’s so much better. So much better. Let’s make that margin for for whatever God
Candace Nassar (23:24.408)
So good. So, so good.
Annie Mendrala (23:29.54)
appointments he has for us.
Candace Nassar (23:31.99)
Yeah, and then just to further that, you know, we need that margin. Another thing John Mark Comer said in his book is, hurry is a form of violence on the soul.
Annie Mendrala (23:43.628)
Yikes.
Candace Nassar (23:45.422)
No, that is. Think about that. I mean, that’s what it’s doing to our soul when we’re that busy and in that much of a hurry. It’s damaging. That’s what you were saying too. I mean, God designed us to have rest.
Annie Mendrala (23:58.882)
Mmm.
Annie Mendrala (24:05.676)
Yeah, absolutely. It is damaging. I mean, you can extend your life by finding joy and margin and sleep and rest. Those things actually contribute to a long life. So it’s clear that we’re not designed to live with the pages of our life from edge to edge. We got to have some white space.
Candace Nassar (24:19.501)
Mm -hmm.
Candace Nassar (24:28.238)
Correct. Yeah, and then I also love how you were telling me that if we have margin, I mean, without margin, we’re going to miss opportunities that God has for us.
Annie Mendrala (24:40.406)
Yeah, I love the “Experiencing God Bible Study” that came out, you know, decades ago. That’s so good though. I remember reading it when I was in college and he said, every day God has appointments for you.
Candace Nassar (24:46.54)
Yes.
Annie Mendrala (24:55.342)
And I thought, I need to start looking for my “God appointments”. And without margin, I just walk in a store and I walk right out just trying to check off my task for the day. But if I walk in the store looking at people, seeing them, God can. There’s so many appointments. There’s so many opportunities. And we’re created for relationships, people, not tasks. That is what I, the older I get, the more I just want to be present for people.
Candace Nassar (25:25.122)
That is so, so good, Annie. I really, really love that. All right, let’s talk about some practical ways that we can create margin and slow down the pace of our lives. Yeah, so it’s a discipline. We have to be intentional. So what are some of the things that you would give as examples of things we can do to slow down.
Annie Mendrala (25:49.974)
You know, for me, and this is every mom, we have got to figure out what’s gonna work best for us. Because we’re all different kinds of learners and thinkers and all of that. And our schedules are different, our kids’ ages. For me, I’ve found that getting on my calendar and scheduling my margin is very critical. Cause every day I look at my, you know, I pull up my phone, I look at the calendar, what am I doing today? And so I try to plan lunches and coffee or date night. I put things on the calendar and know that those are times where I’m gonna slow down, I’m gonna engage with the people around me, or I’m gonna take some time for myself to just hang out with God. But if I’m not intentional about planning it, I’m not gonna have a margin. I will fill my life up with tasks. I have a whole house I could reorganize all day long. I’m never gonna be bored, I can tell you that. For me, my calendar, that’s one thing.
Candace Nassar (26:40.192)
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So block off that time and put it into your schedule. Yeah. One thing for me is just setting boundaries and learning to say no gracefully. You and I talked, you know, and it’s interesting because we’re in a season like this is the time of year that people are getting ready to jump back on the freight train. I mean- I don’t know, the crazy train of life, right? School starts back up again.
Annie Mendrala (26:48.706)
putting it on the calendar.
Candace Nassar (27:14.708)
And we did a podcast back in January about rhythms. And this is kind of another rhythm’s reset, right? It’s this transition back into school for everybody. And one of the things that I just really want to encourage moms in is to be very, very careful about signing your kids up for activities because all of those things can really, really clutter our lives.
And it’s not necessary. Sometimes we think it is, but it really isn’t. And one of the things that is such a trap is sports. And I know we’re in Texas and it’s like I’m saying a dirty word. Like, don’t get trapped into sports. But I mean, if you’re a mom out there right now and you’re considering travel sports for your child, I just really caution you to pray. pray, pray because that is something we just never got into that. My middle child was a really good baseball player, but we just wouldn’t do anything that took away from our Sunday mornings.
Annie Mendrala (28:31.342)
Okay, and by the way, he was a really good baseball player and now is he a professional athlete? No. That’s the thing. I asked these moms, I’m like, what is the goal here in doing this? And yes, your kids, some kids will become professional athletes because we have that arena. But I have seen, and it’s interesting because my oldest was born in 2004 and about that time is when they started having sports on Sundays. And we were like, what?
Candace Nassar (28:36.309)
No.
Annie Mendrala (29:00.696)
You can’t have sports on Sunday. And then this travel, and then we started seeing families quit going to church because the dad was with one kid in one state and the mom was with another kid. And the families, and then this was breaking the family apart. People got divorced because they weren’t staying connected. It has to be, moms and dads together. They have to prioritize family over all those activities. You have to protect it. And you and I know, you’re looking at your youngest has gone off to live on his own and mine are all leaving. It’s so fast. Wait, if we don’t steward the time well, it will be gone.
Candace Nassar (29:29.61)
Amen. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (29:43.606)
Yeah, our priority is to raise our kids up to know and love Jesus. It’s not academics. It’s not to be sports superstars. You know, if that’s right, and if God has, if it’s what God has for them to be a sports superstar, then he’s going to make that plain and obvious to you. So I’m not saying blanket never ever do travel sports, but I’m saying be very, very careful.
Annie Mendrala (29:55.522)
It’s not to be rich and famous, it’s just not.
Candace Nassar (30:10.55)
And really pray about it and make sure you know what you’re getting into. Busy is being under Satan’s yoke. I mean, that’s the kind of busy that will take over your life. And one of the sort of guidelines that we had is we just didn’t let it. I had three kids, we were busy, my husband traveled. So you get one activity per season. If it’s sports or theater
Annie Mendrala (30:35.052)
No, no.
Candace Nassar (30:38.124)
Whatever it is, one activity per season. And they’re all really productive, amazing adults, successful in their careers. They did not suffer.
Annie Mendrala (30:48.874)
Yeah, and what about just not doing anything? Then there’s those, you know. There were seasons where my kids didn’t want to do anything. And I was like, I’m not going to force you. It’s funny, Dylan and I had this conversation the other day about piano. He’s like, why didn’t you make me keep taking piano? I’m like, “Dylan, really?” I introduced them to music and I let them see if that’s what they wanted to pursue and they weren’t interested. And I’m like, “Don’t get mad at me. I was a good mom. I did not force you into these things. but now that you’re an adult, you can choose to go learn to play the piano. Enjoy it. And you own that. That’ll be great.” I don’t want moms to feel like they have to put their kids in karate or sports or music or dance or whatever. It’s okay to do nothing and just be average. When my neighbor across the street, when I have to tell the story, when my boys were little, like one, two, and three,
Candace Nassar (31:25.623)
I love
Candace Nassar (31:35.736)
That’s a good point.
Annie Mendrala (31:46.816)
My neighbor across the street had six grown boys that were all in high school and it was a blended family. And I remember we were at some kind of retreat together and she said to me, “You know, my kids, they’re just average.” And I mean, my jaw was on the floor. I’m like, my kids could just be average. Somebody said that out loud and it was so freeing. I’m like, yeah, you know what? If my kids are average, that’s going to be awesome.
Candace Nassar (32:13.1)
That’s a good word.
Annie Mendrala (32:14.242)
I didn’t feel like I had to keep just pushing them to be more and more and more. Nobody wants that. So anyway, happy sharing. So much stress. Yeah, because there’s no margin.
Candace Nassar (32:20.3)
Yeah, and that caused so much stress in the home. So much stress. And the kids are stressed and anxious and yeah. So, goodness. Well, we are running out of time. let’s go ahead and just talk about how God has been slowing and creating margin in your life.
Annie Mendrala (32:30.21)
Yeah.
Annie Mendrala (32:35.66)
Yeah, we are.
Annie Mendrala (32:43.478)
Yeah, you know, I’m going to just say for all our moms, don’t think that Candace or I have arrived at this. This is a constant reordering of our lives. With every season, God removes one thing and there’s a new thing to go in that space. It’s a lifelong journey. A few years ago,
Candace Nassar (32:51.813)
gosh.
Annie Mendrala (33:06.17)
It struck me when somebody said to me, “You’re so busy.” And that felt really icky to me. I was like, “I don’t want to be seen as a busy person because I really was trying to live my life according to what God had called me to do.” And yes, there were some ways I was getting pretty busy. But really what the Lord said is, “No, your life is full, but you need to stay in check.” Like you got to keep in check because I’m an achiever. So I tend to want to, I can go overboard. So the older I get, the more I’m learning. It’s good, it’s healthy. It used to feel like a bad word to have margin in my life. It felt lazy to me. So, you know, recently though, with all we’ve got going on and I’m doing prison ministry and MomQ, I’m having to say, and I did it yesterday, the text came through, “Who’s signing up for, you know, Women’s Bible Study this fall?” And I said, “I’m not going to. And that was so painful.”
Candace Nassar (33:58.595)
Gosh, I know it was Annie.
Annie Mendrala (34:00.488)
It was so painful, but I said, “I’m up for lunch. Anytime you’ll go, I wanna meet with you” Because I love those women so much, but I just have to trust that God has something new for me. So that’s kind of where He’s teaching me. It’s okay to say no, it’s scary. I don’t wanna let go, I’ll tell you that. I just don’t wanna let go of it, but I’m gonna trust Him. So that’s kind of where I am.
Candace Nassar (34:22.858)
Yeah, I love that because he’s brought something new into your life. And it’s kind of like decluttering our home when you buy new things. If you don’t get rid of some things, then you’re going to end up needing a storage unit one day. And we don’t ever look in those storage units. I personally have never had one. I have this real aversion to them because of that reason. So, yeah, when we say yes to something, we need to say no to something else because we have to have that margin in our life. And one of the things that God has been helping me with is delegation because I’m not very good at that. Thank you. Thank you. It’s really hard, and I don’t have it figured out yet, but just even with all the things that are going on with MomQ, I’m having to let things go and delegate and just trust others.
Annie Mendrala (35:02.67)
I’m so proud of you, by the way. So proud of you.
Candace Nassar (35:17.428)
It’s been very freeing. And the neat thing is when I’m like, “OK, God, I don’t have anyone to do this, so I have to do it.” And then he’ll bring someone in and they say, “Can I help you with whatever?” And I’m like, so good, so good. So. Yeah, God is a good God.
Annie Mendrala (35:30.572)
So good. I know He’s always got a solution. He’s just waiting for us to say, “Hey God, can you help me?” He’s looking for our surrender constantly. I love the verse in one of our homeschools, What belongs to the Lord? And Psalms tells us everything, the world and everything in it. LikeHis resources are unlimited. When we get busy, we just get really horizontally focused on what we can do. We have
Candace Nassar (35:54.102)
I’m here.
Annie Mendrala (36:00.396)
to move to our vertical relationship and surrender.
Candace Nassar (36:04.008)
Amen. Amen. Well, so good, Annie. Wow. What a great conversation and filling my soul. So thank you very much. Well, how about closing us in prayer?
Annie Mendrala (36:11.777)
too.
Annie Mendrala (36:15.382)
Sure, yes. Heavenly Father, we’re so grateful that you are a God who sees us, Lord, and that you’re a God who can be known by us. Father, I just pray for all the listeners, for Candace and myself, God, that we would just learn to edit the pages of our lives in the sense of just leaving more space. God, space for you, space for appointments that we are unexpected.
Candace Nassar (36:36.983)
-huh.
Annie Mendrala (36:43.0)
God, that we would not be shaken by the unexpected things of life, because we’re trusting in you alone. We thank you. In Jesus’ I pray, amen.
Candace Nassar (36:52.075)
Amen.