Candace Nassar (00:00)
Shalen, I am so glad you’re here. I’ve been so looking forward to this conversation. And to start, I would love it if you would just tell us a little bit about yourself. I know you’re a homeschooling mom of five and you are obviously quite busy. What does that look like day to day?
Shalene Roberts (00:12)
Yeah, so I actually need to clarify we’re a part-time homeschooling family. So the way that that works is my children are enrolled in oftentimes it’s called a university model school or a hybrid model school. So it’s a private school where K through fifth they go.
Candace Nassar (00:23)
Okay.
Shalene Roberts (00:34)
School two days a week and then they’re at home three. And then six through twelve, they’re on the campus three days a week and they’re at home two. So I do have a little, I do have a couple days that I get time to myself to get all of the things done. But yes, we are a part-time homeschooling family of five. My husband owns his own business, he travels often. so he’s kind of jet setting all over the country.
I was a former magazine editor, which ties a little bit into the story of my book because I had kind of a forward-facing, prominent position where I got to see, you know, my picture on the editor’s letter. And I received a lot of, I would say, value and worth from that position. And so that ties into a little about what we’re going to be talking about today when I chose to step away from that editor’s desk to stay home full time with my children.
Candace Nassar (01:26)
Absolutely, absolutely. I can relate to that and I know so many moms today can. So the book that we’re talking about today, When When Mothering is Hard and No One Sees, started out as a blog. And you wrote that so many moms resonated with us. Take us back to that moment and what were you walking through when you wrote it?
Shalene Roberts (01:49)
Yeah, so to give you a little context and piggyback on what I was just saying, I had stepped away from my editor’s desk. My husband and I decided we wanted to start having children. And we both decided I wanted to stay home and with the children full time. So I stepped away from that desk and we had our first child, and you know, it was wonderful and beautiful and also really hard. And then by the time we had our second daughter, I remember there was one moment where I was rocking her and my our son was playing on the floor, you know, he was two at the time, and the laundry was overflowing and dinner wasn’t making itself and the dogs were barking. And I was just feeling very, very overwhelmed. And I tended to feel that often in those little years. And I remember my husband called and I answered and I said, What when are you gonna be home? And he said, I’m still at the office. And I just lost it because I just felt like I was being touched.
Candace Nassar (02:37)
Hmm.
Shalene Roberts (02:41)
By so many children needing me all the time. I couldn’t meet all of their needs. I wanted to meet all of their needs and I couldn’t do it all. And I just remember just sobbing and just being so overwhelmed. And then by the time we had our third, I was still kind of in that same pattern and honestly, probably slipping into a little bit of postpartum depression. And I had just put her down for a nap.
And I remember I was sitting on my bed and I just cried out to the Lord. And I said, Lord, I know that what I’m doing matters for today because you know, they need to eat and they need to have clean clothes. I know it matters for today, but the work that I’m doing right now in the middle of all of this sometimes chaotic noise, does this really matter? Is it gonna matter in 10 years? Is this gonna matter generations from now? Is this gonna matter for eternity? And the Lord and really his grace and compassion led me to the passage in Genesis.
Candace Nassar (03:26)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (03:33)
Where Hagar has been banished to the wilderness. And she’s out there, and she’s broken, she’s distraught, she’s crying. And God sends the angel of the Lord to tend to her. And in that moment, Hagar gives God the name Elroi, which is the God who sees. And I just felt the Holy Spirit speak to me in that moment. And he said, I see it all. The world may not see what you’re doing, and the world may not be applauding you, and you may not be getting accolades for this work, but I see it all.
And there is fruit in it and there is a harvest coming. And so I took what I felt like the Lord was teaching me and I just wrote it in the notepad app of my phone. And this was 13 years ago. Wrote it in the notepad app of my phone. I was blogging at the time, kind of threw it up on my blog, didn’t really expect much. It was similar to what the themes that I’ve been blogging about in the past, threw it up there and that blog took off. I mean it, this was before the days of Instagram virality. So
Candace Nassar (04:13)
Mm.
Shalene Roberts (04:31)
Getting a blog to take off, I think was a little bit harder, but it started. I checked the stats and it started having 100,000, 200,000, 300,000, 600,000 views. And I remember checking the stats in the grocery store line, and my jaw just hit the floor because I realized in that moment I wasn’t alone. What I was feeling was the same struggle that so many women across the nation and across the world. It is a common motherhood struggle. So many feel the same thing.
And so, that was actually that blog post was called When Mothering is Hard and No One Sees. That was thirteen years ago. And that was kind of the launch pad and the impetus for this book, which is When Mothering Hard and No One Sees as well.
Candace Nassar (04:44)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (05:11)
Yeah, you know, I find it so interesting because I, I wonder if it’s not in a more of a Western thing a little bit, just because as we, you know, most so many of us, you know, we get college degrees and we have careers, and then I did the same thing. I decided to stay home. And then you’re used to performance reviews, you’re used to accolades, and suddenly they’re just not there and your performance review isn’t gonna happen. So
Shalene Roberts (05:36)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (05:39)
I do think that we, we’re such a performance oriented society. And so I’m wondering if that had something to do with now why you’re you know, why the the book now is is out because it’s not only the blog took off, but we’re all feeling that today.
Shalene Roberts (05:43)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (05:56)
Yeah, I would agree. We do live in a society and a culture that, we gain our value and our worth based on how we perform and what we can produce. And those two really in the economy, those two are tied together. So when you suddenly remove yourself from that economy and your home, and you are not being
Praised for the work. You, like you said, aren’t getting performance reviews. You are not producing anything that has immediate fruit. The fruit of motherhood is well, it’s a long time. And there’s a harvest that we may not even see this side of heaven. And so it’s a long-suffering fruit that motherhood produces. It’s not immediate. And we are so used to instant gratification and the immediacy of having everything in our hands. And so it is, yeah, it is a hard struggle to switch from those two worlds for sure.
Candace Nassar (06:46)
Mm. Yeah, so many of us have experienced it. And I’m so glad that you wrote about it. And that is just so cool that you were a magazine editor and you got to experience that. And then I’m so were you a photographer as well?
Shalene Roberts (07:00)
I was not for the magazine, but I am, I do love the art of photography. So I am very much a hobbyist photographer. It kind of started with me just documenting my family and it has grown. I do occasionally take some clients. Yes.
Candace Nassar (07:15)
Yeah. So you found ways, like right. This is one of the things I want to encourage moms is if you make that choice to step away from the demanding career, you’ve still got gifts and talents that God can use. Yeah.
Shalene Roberts (07:26)
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. And there are so many opportunities now for us to use those gifts and talents from the home. So that’s really encouraging. I mean, we have opportunities now that did not exist even 20 years ago. So it is an encouraging time. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (07:32)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (07:39)
That’s right. Yeah. Actually, my daughter-in-law is a social media influencer. And we have a little granddaughter, and she gets to do that, you know, and it gives her that sense of that extra like I’m using those gifts. But there’s so many gifts that God has given us in motherhood to be in motherhood. So let’s
Shalene Roberts (07:54)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (07:58)
Let’s talk a little bit about that. There’s something that you wrote early in the book that struck me, and I want to dig into it with you. You use Tozer’s quote, which is I love, it’s from Knowledge of the Holy. And the quote is, What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. And that is such a powerful quote. And you apply it to motherhood. So tell us why does our view of God matter so much?
Shalene Roberts (08:08)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (08:22)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (08:27)
In our day to day mothering.
Shalene Roberts (08:29)
Yeah, I remember when I first read that quote, I was actually in the process of writing the proposal for the book. And I read it and I could not get it out of my mind. And I felt the Holy Spirit kind of sense what you think about God is the most important thing about us. That is absolutely true. And also what you think about God is the most important thing about your motherhood. Because if we believe God is just and holy and righteous, if we believe He has purposed us.
And intentioned us, and he has good works for us to do, prepared in advance. All of those truths apply to our motherhood. So rather than just having a job where we are supposed to raise polite, well-educated children who will go out and do something good in society, we are actually purposed and intentioned to raise up children who will eventually, prayerfully, be followers of Christ and will go and tell a desperate hurting world about the good news of Jesus Christ. And so it changes.
Candace Nassar (09:22)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (09:25)
What we think about God radically changes the purpose within our motherhood. And I just could not shake that thought. And so that has framed much of this book.
Candace Nassar (09:36)
Yeah, it’s so good. So, Shaleen, how did your own view of God need to shift before you could experience the freedom that you write about?
Shalene Roberts (09:46)
Yeah, that’s a really good question.
I guess it goes back to God seeing me when I felt very hidden and realizing that God see, not only does God see me, but he has ordained this family and these children for me in this specific day and time and this specific age. And he has a plan and a purpose, not only for me, but for my children and for my family. And understanding that.
Candace Nassar (10:11)
Mm.
Shalene Roberts (10:14)
I’ll share a little bit, and you were maybe gonna ask me about this later on in the podcast, but I’ll go ahead and share it now because this ties into what you’re asking. And it was really a shift in the way that I understood God and the way that He intersects, the way that the Holy Spirit intersects our daily lives and changes everything about motherhood. I was, that’s a story about blackberries. My youngest was, I think, one at the time, and I had her in the high chair, and I’d given her blackberries for lunch.
And so she was just kind of covered, you know, in that like dark purple juice of blackberries.
I picked her up and I took her to the kitchen sink and I was just gonna perform an ordinary task on an ordinary day. I was just gonna wash her hands. And I turned the water on and I haven’t had I have not had a moment like that since and I have not had a moment hadn’t had a moment like it before.
It was almost like you’re watching a movie in slow motion and the movie or you’re watching a movie and it just slips into slow motion. Time suddenly slowed, and I noticed every single water droplet. I noticed it running over her hands. I noticed her little knuckles bendy and her joints bending and flexing. I noticed every perfectly created detail of her hands. And it was probably only a five second experience, but it felt like it was five minutes.
Candace Nassar (11:06)
Mm.
Candace Nassar (11:22)
Mm.
Shalene Roberts (11:30)
And I suddenly she kind of wiggled and I dried her hands and I put her down. I turned the water up. Everything resumed. It’s normal, rate of flow. Time kind of caught up with itself. And I stood there and I said, Lord, what was that? I mean, again, I’ve never had anything like that before. And I felt in that moment like the Holy Spirit said to me, it was not an audible voice, but I just felt it in my spirit. I felt the Holy Spirit say, Jesus washed feet, you are washing hands.
Everything is sacred when I am in it. And I was floored. I mean, I tell in the book that kind of like Moses, if I had been wearing shoes, I would have taken them off because I felt in that moment like I was standing on holy ground. And that understanding. So again, an ordinary day, but the kingdom of God that is more real than our tangible physical world right now, the kingdom of God that surrounds us and sustains us is living and active.
Candace Nassar (12:02)
Mm.
Shalene Roberts (12:29)
That kingdom crashed into my reality. And it was as if the veil between heaven and earth became very, very, very thin. And I got a glimpse of the sacredness of motherhood work that can so many times feel so mundane and so repetitive and monotonous. And is in many times like it really doesn’t matter. God showed me even the smallest thing, even washing your child’s hand.
Candace Nassar (12:34)
Yes.
Shalene Roberts (12:56)
Matters when you do it to the glory of me. And all we need to do is ask God, pray and ask the Lord, open my eyes and help me see. And so that was an experience that the Lord changed my understanding of him. And I think how close and active his kingdom really is in our everyday, ordinary moments in that time.
Candace Nassar (13:19)
Yeah. Yeah. I think a great part of that is what I’m hearing is understanding motherhood is a sacrifice. It is, laying down our lives for what God has for us and has chosen us for in those moments. And, I, I think about how much it changes us. And then we’re raising up kingdom warriors, right? And so that’s just the whole shift there.
Shalene Roberts (13:43)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (13:46)
It aligns with the Tozer quote that what we think about God affects our motherhood because we’re realizing his sovereignty in all of it. And y and I love what you’re saying, how big the kingdom of God is and how we’re playing a small role, but such a critical role. So that is such a beautiful story.
Shalene Roberts (13:54)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (13:59)
Mm-hmm. Such, such a critical role. And I just I hope that encourages moms who are maybe, you know, in the in the grit of the everyday. And those little years can be really hard. I just want you to know what you are doing is, I know it does not feel sacred and holy at times. So when you’re sweeping Cheerios, you’re changing diapers or you’re tending a fussy kid. I’ve been there. I have five. I know.
But what you are doing is absolutely sacred holy work because you are shaping eternal souls and you are raising them up to know the Lord. And then eventually you will send them out to a desperate hurting world who needs to know the good news of Jesus Christ. And I really believe that there may come a time where we’ll be we’ll be in heaven and we we may meet somebody who says, You don’t know me, but I’m here because your daughter told her son.
Candace Nassar (14:32)
Amen.
Shalene Roberts (14:53)
Who told his son, who told her daughter, who told me about Jesus? We just don’t understand. We have such a limited perspective. We do not understand how that thread of faith might be woven through us and through our children and through their children. And so we really do, we are doing kingdom work. Again, I know it doesn’t feel like it all the time, but everything that we do is sacred and holy when we’re doing it to the glory of God.
Candace Nassar (15:21)
Amen. Beautiful, beautiful story. So I want to name something that a lot of moms feel but don’t say out loud, and you’ve referenced it already. And that is the anxiety, the loneliness, and just feeling inadequate as we trudge through those long days.
but those short years, as we know. why do you think motherhood is so hard? You know, and what are the ages of your kids, by the way?
Shalene Roberts (15:48)
Yeah, I didn’t tell you that in the beginning. I apologize. So I have an 18-year-old son. He actually just graduated high school recently. So we’re navigating all of those, the tidal wave of emotions of him going to college. And then I have four girls, 15, 13, 10, and 8.
Candace Nassar (16:03)
Okay, so you’ve been through the little years and you’re starting to see some of the fruit and the generational impact that will just continue to unfold. So why is motherhood so hard all the way through really? It never ends when we love our kids and are so grateful for them.
Shalene Roberts (16:06)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (16:17)
Yeah.
Shalene Roberts (16:22)
Yeah, it’s a good question because we all I think at some point we all ask ourselves this, right? Whether we post it to a blog or we just ask ourselves internally, motherhood is really hard, but it’s also sacred. And I think we know that. So there’s this tension. I remember the first time I held my son, I realized this is a sacred role. This and it is such a high privilege and a high calling, but it’s also really hard. So where does that tension come from?
And I do believe motherhood is hard for some of the obvious reasons. You know, especially when you have little kids, you are exhausted. You are maybe waking in the middle of the night with a baby and you’re tending the needs of kids who can’t they they can’t help themselves. And so you’re pouring everything out and you have nothing left to give. So it’s hard for those reasons. It can also be hard for the reasons that we spoke about earlier, when maybe you left.
Maybe you were in a job that fulfilled, you know, it gave you a sense of value and worth, and now you’ve left that. You don’t feel like you’re getting that. Or maybe you’re a working mom who feels like you’re really trying to juggle, you know, home and work and meet all of these different expectations, and you don’t feel like you can do any of them very well. Motherhood is hard for so many reasons. And then you mentioned anxiety, postpartum depression, of course, can factor in, and that’s a whole nother conversation. So there are so many reasons it’s hard, but I actually believe.
Candace Nassar (17:34)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (17:41)
When I write about this in the book, I believe those are actually only the surface reasons of why motherhood is hard. I believe there’s actually a much deeper reason that motherhood is hard. So in my book, I start all the way back in Genesis. And we look at Adam and Eve, we look at the fall, and then we look at the curse and then the promise that God gave Eve. And the curse is that she would have pain in childbearing, but the promise is that her seed would crush the enemy’s head. And ever since that time, the Bible tells us.
That there has been enmity, which is a personal, I love this definition. It’s a personal hostility towards Eve and her daughters. It’s not a general hostility, it is a very personal hostility. The Bible says there will be enmity between you and between the enemy. And so we today, that same enemy who spoke deceit.
Candace Nassar (18:17)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (18:34)
And lies and distraction into Eve’s ear is the same enemy today who is speaking deceit and doubt and lies into our own ears. And so we hear it and sometimes we fall for it, but he is attacking us because motherhood is the vehicle through which God brought about the redemption of his people through the birth of his son Jesus. He has and he has purposed us.
Candace Nassar (18:46)
Absolutely.
Shalene Roberts (19:00)
As moms to partner in the redemption of his people. I am not saying, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying we play the same roles, Eve, not saying we play the same role as Mary. That is not what I’m saying. However, as moms, as life givers, and even if you didn’t, even if you adopted your children or you foster, you are still a life giver. Anyone who has the who wears the mantle of mom, or even if you’re just a woman who is mentoring.
A neighborhood child who needs a mother figure. Anyone who plays that role is giving life. And when we play that role through the lens of our purposed intention given to us by Jesus Christ, suddenly our role becomes sacred and does become a vehicle through which people can potentially come to know the Lord. And so the enemy knows that. And so you and I, as moms, you better believe we have a target on our back.
Because the enemy knows if he can take us out, he can potentially take our children out, and he can potentially take generations out. So motherhood, yeah, it’s hard for all of the obvious tangible reasons, but it’s really hard. And I believe it’s the underlying reason is because we are at war. And I think it’s so important that we understand that because whether you get in the fight,
Candace Nassar (20:19)
Mm.
Candace Nassar (20:23)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (20:26)
And put on the armor of God and equip yourself to fight the enemy, or you put your head in the sand. The battle wages around us regardless. And so it is so important that we understand there’s a very real battle out there, but God has equipped us to get in the fight.
Candace Nassar (20:42)
That’s that is so important. That’s the core because we know Satan is attacking moms, families, all of it. And we can see it every day falling around us. And so how can we bring these feelings, these, these lies that of the enemy that we’re hearing and believing, how can we bring those to God? How what does that look like instead of trying to push through on our own?
Shalene Roberts (20:46)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (20:50)
Absolutely. Yep. Yep.
Shalene Roberts (21:09)
Yeah, I think one of the first ways that we do that is we have to we have to be able to be able to identify the lie. And you can only identify the lie if you know the truth. So we have to be going to, we have to go to God’s word. We have to be immersed. We have to be abiding in him. And I know I’m a mom of five. I know as a mom, it is hard. I am not saying you have to spend an hour in Bible study every day. Sometimes that is not realistic.
Or moms. However, there are so many ways that we can incorporate the word of God into our daily life. And I just want to encourage you to do what you can because the more we are exposed to the truth, the more we can recognize the lies when we hear them. And so the enemy speaks lies and deceit. And sometimes they’re only, sometimes they’re half truths. And so it’s so important that we know the truth from the half truth so that we can discern the two. So I think that’s most important. And one of the ways.
I go through a lot of ways in the book to try to encourage busy moms to get in the word. Of course, if you can do an in-depth Bible study every day, that’s wonderful. But if you can’t, if you’re in a season and you feel like you can’t, put your Bible, put the book of Psalms by your stove. And when you’re making dinner, just read one or two Psalms. Or put it on the put it on the dinner table. And when you guys sit down and you have dinner, pull out.
Candace Nassar (22:27)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (22:33)
Just one one small chapter, one small read a proverb, read the Psalms, and just read that at dinner. Put on worship music so you’re constantly filling your mind and your spirit with the truth of God’s word. Listen to pot when you’re in the car and your kids are with you. I love we have captive audiences in the car, right? I mean, at least we have the potential for that, unless we’re giving them screens all the time, which I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing at times. Sometimes you need to do that, but we have a captive audience in the car.
Candace Nassar (22:52)
Yes.
Shalene Roberts (23:01)
There are so many fantastic podcasts that are appropriate for kids and adults. Terry Lee Cobble has a kids’ version of the Bible in a year. So many great resources. So try to get creative about implementing the word of God into your daily rhythms. And as we do that, as the word of God really takes root, then we can begin to identify the lies when they’re spoken into our ear. So that is that is the main thing. And then of course, prayer. I mean, prayer is so, so powerful and
Candace Nassar (23:28)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (23:31)
I have some incredible stories about how God just worked in our lives with my son recently in his college decision and prayer and changed. My son was reall, he was transformed in his thinking about college by the renewing of his mind. And that was not anything I did or my husband did or his friends did. It was the Holy Spirit. So I mean, I can go into more tips for prayer, but absolutely abiding in his word.
Candace Nassar (23:52)
Wow.
Shalene Roberts (23:56)
Finding ways to implement it into your day and then prayer.
Candace Nassar (24:00)
Yeah. You know, it’s funny that you’re talking about this. I just got done keeping my granddaughter for four days while her parents were out of town celebrating their anniversary. And I have to tell you, my my whole world, I was like, okay, I don’t have time. And so I, I was like, okay, I would have to completely redo my rhythms because right now I’m at the stage where I can spend an hour with the Lord every day in the morning.
Shalene Roberts (24:12)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (24:20)
Okay.
Shalene Roberts (24:24)
Right. Right.
Candace Nassar (24:25)
That went out the window and I had a whole new respect for moms of young kids. But that that’s exactly what I was thinking, is if I had, you know, I would just have to redo it and figure out what I can do to have God’s word in front of me. And those are some really good suggestions.
Shalene Roberts (24:41)
Yeah. Yeah, I also want to share so there’s a verse in Isaiah that says he gently leads those with young.
And I think I had read it multiple times and had not ever noticed that portion of the verse. But when I was writing the book, it jumped off the pages with me because I realized the Lord knows He created us. He knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows every head every day written before one of them came to be. He knows our limitations. And he knows when we are in a season with young children, he knows how poured out we are. And he
Gently leads us. He is not a demanding God. He does not require that we keep certain things to honor him or make him happy. He gently leads us. He pours out his mercy and compassion. And if you are a mom with young children right now, I think maybe more than anything that I want you to hear today is that God is gently leading you.
Candace Nassar (25:22)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (25:44)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (25:44)
Lead into his grace and his compassion and his mercy.
Candace Nassar (25:48)
I love that. The heart of God is really compassionate and gracious. And we want to sometimes just be so performative as we were talking about earlier. And that that really naturally leads into the whole discussion in your book on grace. And what does it look practically like for a woman, a mom, to receive God’s grace in those daily moments?
Shalene Roberts (25:51)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (25:57)
Yeah.
Shalene Roberts (26:11)
Yeah. We can be our own worst enemies and our own critics. And so it’s so easy to walk around with, you know, I mean, there were there have been so many times where I have felt like I’m failing my children, or even I will give you an example. Just yesterday, I was on another podcast and I had told my children, you know, it’s summer, so my kids, they’re all here.
And I had told my children, I’m gonna get on a podcast. You know, please don’t interrupt me. Give me 30 minutes. And about halfway through, I hear at my door. And it gets louder and louder and louder and more and more incessant. And I finally I had to tell the host, I said, hold on one minute, one minute. And I I got I in that moment, it has actually bothered me since. I got short with my eight-year-old daughter because I was frustrated that I had asked for 30 minutes.
Candace Nassar (26:40)
Knock knock.
Shalene Roberts (26:58)
And you know, I felt like I was doing something that was important that I was called to do. And she had interrupted that. And the Lord just reminded me, you wrote a book about mothering and those sacred work. She is not an interruption. And so I have really just in the last 24 hours, have struggled with the way that I was short with her in that response. And again, that’s just one example, but it is really easy to carry around, you know, a sense of shame or failure or feel like.
The way our children perform, we tend to have it reflect on us, right? If our children are misbehaving or if they’re not doing well, we think that we have failed them. In reality, they have free will. But it’s easy to fall into that trap. And we just have to remember that God’s grace is sufficient to cover it all. He does not call us to perfection, he calls us into a relationship with him. He does not want our performance, he wants our heart. And he is gracious and compassionate. Like I said, he gently leads those with young. He is so gracious and compassionate.
Candace Nassar (327:47)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (27:53)
To gently lead us back to him and to lead us back into relationship with him and unity with him over and over and over and over. And when we realize that, his strength is made perfect in my weakness, I am not a perfect mom. I will never be a perfect mom. And if I try, it will be a disaster if I try to ascribe to that. And so I will never be perfect, but he is.
And so my role as a mom, is to point my children to the perfect one. So when I make a mistake, like that moment yesterday, when I make a mistake or when I fail my children or when I do something that maybe causes them, you know, hurt. I can go to my children as a daughter of Christ who has received forgiveness and grace from Christ himself as his daughter, I can go to my children and I can model that. And I can say, I am so sorry I respond that way.
Would you please forgive me? And then in that moment, God takes that moment that could have been a moment of shame and He completely turns it on its head and it becomes a moment of redemption that is reflective of God’s grace to me that I get to pour out to my children. And they then get to experience God’s grace through me in that moment. And so we, I just want to encourage moms, you might be sitting in a pile of shame and anxiety right now.
Pour it out to the Lord and realize that He can use that. He can redeem everything. His mercies are new every morning. No one has made too many mommyhood mistakes that you are out of the grip of grace. He is waiting. He wants to reach into your Miry pit and pull you out. And so I would, yeah, I would just encourage moms, take heart in that. No one, no one’s too far gone.
Candace Nassar (29:30)
Mm.
Candace Nassar (29:38)
His mercies are new every morning, like you said. And we can never do anything to take his love away from us. And that’s another thing that we can assure our kids, right? As we model the love of Christ. And it’s really about the gospel. That’s what you’re that’s what you were talking about. We’re pointing them to Jesus. When we receive his grace, we’re also teaching them to receive his grace. So
Shalene Roberts (29:39)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (29:46)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (29:53)
Absolutely.
Absolutely. It’s just, it’s such a beautiful picture. And, you know, and it just like I mentioned earlier, it just continues to ripple. You know, we pray that our children will know the Lord, that they would follow him, that they would choose to seek him. And we when we get the opportunity, when we get the privilege to model that in our home, I mean, we are partnering with Christ in we are good newsbringers and hope tellers, and we get the opportunity to live that out in our home. And then prayerfully.
Our children will do the same in theirs and in theirs and in theirs. And so it’s just this beautiful thread that’s woven throughout history of a legacy of faith.
Candace Nassar (30:36)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (30:42)
Mm-hmm. Let’s close by talking a little bit about what it means to be a daughter of the king. How does that reframe our motherhood?
Shalene Roberts (30:47)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (30:51)
Yeah, I think, you I remember when my son was a baby and I was rocking him. And I had never, you know, when you come to know Christ, you are overwhelmed by the sacrifice, the fact that he laid down his life for you and and that he was he was beaten and he was bruised. But I don’t think I had ever grappled with the intensity of it until I had my son. And I was holding my son and I realized, Lord.
You gave up your son for me. Your one and only beloved son, you gave up for me. And the reality of that just overwhelmed me. I remember just weeping. And God calls us his children as well. He loved his son so much. And yet he sent him for on our behalf. Christ paid our price. We deserve death, and Christ paid it on the cross for us. God loves us that much.
That he sent his one and only son that we would not be separated from him, that we would have eternal life, that we would have life to the full here and in the life to come. And when I realized that as a daughter of Christ. It changes my heart towards Christ. I want to be into closer fellowship with him.
I want to seek him. I want to bring my children into fellowship with him. And I want his essence and his perfume. I want the Holy Spirit to fill my home, to fill my heart and to fill my family. And knowing that I’m his daughter, it just changes. It gives you so much more.
There is no striving in that. I feel like in our society, there’s constant striving. And you know, the verse be still and know that I am God. When I was researching that verse, I always kind of thought of be still as like, you know, a child who’s maybe fidgeting in church and the mom is like, be still. That’s not what it is. The definition of be still is actually to cease striving and knowing that I am a daughter of Christ, that there’s nothing that I can do to earn my salvation.
Candace Nassar (32:24)
Mm.
Mm.
Shalene Roberts (32:52)
It’s already been earned, it’s already been paid, it’s done. Knowing that, that assurance and that certainty allows me to stop striving because I don’t have to perform and I don’t have to meet any expectations. Christ loves me as I am, who I am, because I’m covered. I’m covered by the blood of Christ. And so it just, I think it gives me a sense of peace and a sense of rest that I would not have otherwise. And
Candace Nassar (33:17)
Yes.
Shalene Roberts (33:20)
You know, we’re all so desperate as society, but as moms in particular, we’re desperate for rest. And when we can realize as a daughter of the king, I don’t have to strive anymore, then we can enter into a rest that we desperately need and seek.
Candace Nassar (33:34)
Yeah. It it reminds me again at just the thread I see of that Tozer quote because we as our identity is in Christ and not in what we do or perform. you know, that that’s just that affects everything about our motherhood. I think about moms telling me all the time that, you know, they can’t wait to get their kid down for the nap so they can get stuff done, right? And, you know, we it’s just
Shalene Roberts (33:44)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (33:50)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (34:01)
I just wanna s just kiss them and say, hug them and say, you know what? You are doing so much, your housework, all those other things, that’s not the important thing. And we just gotta remember that, right?
Shalene Roberts (34:14)
I know. We do. It’s so hard at the moment though. I mean, I have been there. I have had a list of 20 things I needed to check off during that time. So I do, I do understand that, but those things will they will always be there. I will tell you as a mom who’s about to graduate a child, your children will not always be little. So take care. There are things you have to do for sure.
Candace Nassar (34:17)
It is.
Candace Nassar (34:34)
Mm, mm. Again.
Shalene Roberts (34:37)
And you need to take care of yourself so that you can meet your children’s needs. But also just understand I mean the days really are long and the years really are short. Yeah. It’s a cliche, but it’s so true.
Candace Nassar (34:40)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (34:46)
They sure are. I can attest to that. my goodness. Well, I can’t thank you enough. This great conversation and you’re sharing your heart. I love your vulnerability and just how you are honest with the struggle and and how that God just changed you. He changed your heart. And I love the Blackberry story, just thinking about Jesus washing.
the disciples’ feet and how the service that we perform as mothers. It’s just the greatest thing that we get to do. So where it really is, it really is. So where can our listeners find more about you?
Shalene Roberts (35:11)
Mm-hmm.
Shalene Roberts (35:16)
Yeah.
Shalene Roberts (35:21)
Yeah, absolutely. You can find me at shaleenroberts.com. I’m also on Instagram and Facebook at Shalen Roberts blog, is the handle. And I would love to connect with you. I do read every message that’s sent to me or comment. So yeah, drop a comment, send me a message. And then the book is pretty much available wherever books are sold.
Candace Nassar (35:39)
Okay, so when, when you respond to those comments, I’ll be thinking of you in the grocery line. Okay. Absolutely, we’re all there. All right. Well, thank you so much, Shalene. It’s great, great to have you on. Take care.
Shalene Roberts (35:54)
Yes, yes. Please do, please do. In the middle of chaotic life.
It was a joy. Thank you.
