Candace Nassar (00:00)
Welcome Bonnie, I am so glad you’re here today. As I’ve gotten familiar with your work, what stood out to me was how closely our philosophies align. That what you talk about in your material and on your Instagram is so similar to what MomQ was all about. And we actually have a series called Raising Virtuous Children that is just really about the same thing. So it’s just so, so exciting.
Bonnie (00:24)
He he.
Candace Nassar (00:26)
And so I’m excited to explore that with you today, but I first want to just hear more about you and just have you tell those, tell our listeners a little bit about you and your season and all that good stuff.
Bonnie (00:37)
Yeah, well, I am a mom to six. So I have currently a 14, 13. Let’s see if I can do this. OK, 10, 8, 6, and almost two year old. So we kind of are all across the spectrum in terms of ages. We’ve got toddler problems and we’ve got teen problems in the house, but also toddler blessings and teen blessings. So it’s all great. Everything in between.
Candace Nassar (01:03)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (01:06)
So we are a noisy household, but we have lived all over. My husband spent 11 years in the Navy. So we have lived in lots of fun places. Our favorite place was Sicily. We loved that. So yeah, we are always trying to get back to Sicily in one way or another. That was a beautiful spot. Great memories for my kids. know, some of them remember a little more than others, but.
Candace Nassar (01:21)
Oh!
Bonnie (01:33)
Yeah, so we did that and then we are now settled in North Carolina and we’re close to family for the first time in many years. So that’s been a huge blessing. My kids can be around their cousins and their grandparents and all of that. And we homeschool. So, you know, we’re flexible and we’ve got, you know, a great schedule that is not much of a schedule some days and we just kind of go with the flow.
Candace Nassar (01:49)
Right.
Bonnie (02:00)
Yeah, it’s good stuff right now. Being close to grandparents. I never realized. What a huge blessing. I wanted it, but I never really realized how awesome it was until we got it.
Candace Nassar (02:06)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (02:11)
Such a great support in so many ways. I have a granddaughter locally and so I know how much it means to my daughter-in-law and my son. So I’m glad to hear that you’re getting to take advantage of that. you know so many moms don’t have that and so that’s you know that’s one of the reasons that we do what we do and I’m sure you too because moms don’t necessarily have someone pouring into them telling them and advising them and sharing wisdom.
Bonnie (02:13)
Hmm.
Candace Nassar (02:38)
on what has worked and what hasn’t in their lives and in their parenting. So let’s talk about how your journey into biblical parenting really began. What was happening in your own life and in your own parenting that led you into this?
Bonnie (02:54)
Yeah, well, I’m incredibly grateful because my parents really did set an amazing example for parenting for me. No parents are perfect, but they were pretty fantastic. They really showed me how to pair authority with love. You know, there was never a question whether my parents loved me and whether what they were doing was out of love. But there was also never a question of what the rules were and how I needed to.
Candace Nassar (03:11)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (03:21)
follow those rules and how that was important in our home. So that being modeled to me was fantastic, but I really took it for granted. I didn’t realize what a blessing that was until I started having my own kids. I started to interact with so many different parents at the playground, at church, at little play dates we would have. And I just started to notice these patterns of parents. They just seemed exhausted.
They were repeating themselves constantly, they were negotiating, they were trying to bribe their kids and try to figure out how to manage these kids’ emotions. And what I found was many of these parents, they never had that model that I was blessed with of what this biblical parenting can look like. And they either thought authority and how that plays out in parenting was too harsh, maybe based on bad experiences they had had in their own homes or maybe observed somewhere else.
They often just were afraid to cross into that realm of, because I said so, of parenting. But it was really kind of spiraling and it was honestly affecting me and my kids too because we would get together with them and often my kids would want to leave because these other kids were just spending the whole time.
Bonnie (04:38)
crying or throwing a tantrum on the floor or they just weren’t really able to play because the whole time was just spent trying to get control of these kids or calm them down enough to really play. And that really broke my heart for everybody involved.I mean, it broke my heart for my own kids. It broke my heart for the parents trying to figure out how do I do this in a God-glorifying way?. And even for their kids, their kids just seemed kind of lost.
Candace Nassar (04:50)
Mmm.
Candace Nassar (05:00)
Sure.
Bonnie (05:06)
So really out of that just kind of sprung this desire and this passion to share what had been modeled to me and to try to encourage these parents, even though we are all sinful and I make daily mistakes and I am very painfully aware of them. But just what that can look like, the pattern of making mistakes both as parents and as kids, but confessing them, repenting.
Candace Nassar (05:32)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (05:32)
being forgiven and then, you know, feeling that joy of getting to go along our merry way knowing that we are forgiven and we can move along. I’m just, very passionate about sharing that with parents who want that but don’t know exactly how to get there.
Candace Nassar (06:47)
Yeah, and that’s so good. think about you’re talking about the toddler years to a degree when they’re, you know, they can’t play because the kids are out of control and the parents are just trying to constantly negotiate. and that goes, you know, into the, the elementary years. And then I think about the teens, I was actually a high school teacher and I began to see the fallout from that in anxiety, emotional dysregulation. mean, there’s just so many reasons why.
We need to do these things as early as possible. And it not only will it help our kids, but it helps the relationship with our kids. Because I I saw it in my own family is that I like to say I gave my kids rope and room. I gave them really strong, yeah, really strong boundaries when they were kids and with lots of love. And I hear you saying that same thing, truth with love.
Bonnie (06:25)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (06:31)
I like that.
Candace Nassar (06:43)
It’s not easy and you have to, like you said, you’re gonna make mistakes, but as they became teenagers, I was able to then back off a little bit and give them that room to make their own mistakes, own their own faith, that sort of thing. So are you seeing some of that now with your 14 year old?
Bonnie (07:04)
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it’s so interesting. I was talking about this with my husband the other night. It’s just so interesting to watch these little tiny people grow into these big people that, you know, suddenly have all these opinions and all these deep thoughts. And it’s just it’s exciting. And it’s also kind of, you know, I miss I miss the little ones that they once were.
But I’ve just been so grateful for the way that the Lord has really preserved my relationship and my husband’s relationship with our teens. And I really believe that he worked through that parenting in the younger years to do that because I don’t think that they doubt how much we love them and that when we are giving them rules now and even when we’re saying, you know, we trust you, let’s watch you do this on your…
Candace Nassar (07:35)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (07:58)
own and through all those, you know, tough interactions that can be tough through those teen years, they know at the heart of it that we love them and they trust that and they know that they can come back to us when they make mistakes and when they succeed and we can work through that as we try to model Christ to them is the ultimate goal of, He loves us, but He also leads us and He does
Candace Nassar (08:24)
Yes.
Bonnie (08:25)
require our obedience and our obedience should be to, know, not so that he doesn’t get mad at us, you know, and we don’t want our kids thinking, I want to obey so mom and dad don’t get mad. We want them to obey because they love and trust us and know that we’re trying to give them what is best for them. It’s because we love them so much that we want these rules for them.
Candace Nassar (08:45)
Mm-hmm. And also so that they will know and love Jesus, right? Because I know a lot of times for me, I would have to say, you know, I’m, this is coming from a place of not so much that I’m trying to tell you what to do, but this is what God and His Word says that you need to be doing. And I want you to trust Him, right? So why do you, why do you think your message right now is resonating so much? I’m just loving seeing all of your posts and the comments and
Bonnie (08:50)
exactly.
Candace Nassar (09:14)
It’s really interesting. I think we’ve kind of come from a place, the pendulum is swinging back a little bit and I’m so encouraged. So why don’t you share a little bit about that?
Bonnie (09:24)
Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, this whole gentle parenting movement really kind of, well, it received a name kind of around 2015, but it was very present before. It just didn’t have much of a label at that point. But it really took off. And the more disappointing thing for me was that it took off within the Christian community. And I think because it has
a wonderful name, know, gentle parenting, gentleness is a fruit of the spirit. And I think a lot of Christian parents thought, well, of course I want to be gentle. This sounds fantastic. And I would love to follow, you know, this parenting pattern. And what you find is, once you really dive into it, is that it really puts emotions at the heart of everything.
Everything is all about what are your emotions and let’s, let’s start there, instead of starting with God and what he says in his word. That’s kind of pushed to the side in gentle parenting because it really wasn’t born out of anything biblical. It was very much a psychological kind of child developmentally based movement. And so I think what happened there was everyone kind of dove in without fully understanding what it was.
And then Christian parents suddenly took a step back and looked at their homes and thought, this is out of control, you know, I’m waking up in the morning feeling like my entire day is just dictated by my child’s emotions and I’m not allowed to say no to them. I have to just kind of roll with whatever wave of emotion they’re having in that moment. That’s exhausting, know, parenting is exhausting as it is. That’s a very exhausting way to live and it’s exhausting because it’s not the way the Lord designed us to parent. And so I think
Candace Nassar (10:42)
you
Candace Nassar (10:46)
you
Candace Nassar (10:57)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (11:05)
That’s right.
Bonnie (11:07)
I think people are getting, I think parents are getting hungry for another way to parent their kids that brings more biblical true peace to their homes.
Candace Nassar (11:16)
Yeah, you know, if you don’t mind, I saw one of your posts that I thought was so good, just how to keep your something about your two and a half, your 21 month old from having a tantrum. And it was so practical and just really, I think, formative for parents that are trying to learn this. So can you share that with us and just what your what your philosophy? mean, how you manage that like because
Bonnie (11:26)
Mm. Mm.
Candace Nassar (11:42)
We think, okay, well, two-year-olds are just gonna throw tantrums and that’s just the way it is and we just have to endure them. And they are, but we can still help them through it. So can you share that?
Bonnie (11:47)
Right?
Bonnie (11:52)
Yeah, yeah, mean, it’s definitely, think, toddler questions are one of the ones I get the most because people are thinking, how in the world do I explain to this little toddler who can barely speak not to lay down on the floor and throw a tantrum right now, you know? And, you know, we do have to remember that whether it’s a toddler, a teen, or anything in between, we’re not trying to be this controlling, you know, I’m going to just nitpick every single movement you make or, you know, we can’t.
do that and that would be exhausting too. But we are there to lead and we are there to train. And like you said earlier, it starts in the little years. So doing very simple things like getting on their level and looking at them in the eye, teaching them and saying the same things over and over again. Like my little girl is, she’s almost two. She really can’t handle much more than a two word sentence right now. Anything beyond that, she’s not gonna understand.
but she understands what screaming is and she understands that she’s not supposed to scream. So we can say very simple phrases like no scream. And she, I put her in a little chair or a little corner, whatever room we might be in, if she’s trying to do that and say no scream and she has to sit there. And it doesn’t mean that it goes perfectly every time, but we really see improvement over time because that’s what it is. It’s training and we’re going to see her start to understand.
Candace Nassar (12:48)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (13:08)
Right.
Bonnie (13:14)
This screaming is not going to be, I’m not gonna be immediately met with all of this empathy and validating and it’s okay to be angry language because that’s really only going to encourage that behavior. I’m going to be met with a loving, authoritative, no we don’t do that and I’m just gonna have to sit here until I’m done. So that really didn’t get me anywhere.
Candace Nassar (13:36)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, I thought that was really, really good. And I remember when my kids who are now in their 30s were in that stage and just grasping at straws myself. And this was the 90s I had the very authoritarian parents, well, dad in particular, instead of authoritative, which is what you’re talking about. And so I think that’s just super practical.
Bonnie (143:51)
Mm, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (14:00)
When you so let’s keep talking about your Instagram content because I just I know a lot of moms are there and it’s just so valuable. which posts that you have put out there do you feel like connect the most?
Bonnie (14:13)
I think overall that, you know, I try to give some biblical one-liners. So, you know, drawing from scripture and then giving a quick line that you can say to your kids that is grounded in that scripture that will help to steer them back to thinking about what they are doing in light of scripture.
I just think it’s so easy to get caught up in the world or even just your day or that moment and forget that we’re supposed to be addressing this in light of scripture. So, you just lost your temper with your sister. What does the Bible say about that? You know, what does the Bible say about us losing our temper? What does it say about how we should treat others and how we should treat those in our family and just redirecting back. Because I need that, you know, I need that day to day. These are things I say to myself a lot of the time, because I think parents need it so badly, too, of just
Candace Nassar (15:03)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (15:11)
putting those verses in your head and even when they’re younger, kind of simplifying them down to saying, you know, this is the message that you need to remember that God tells us. I think that’s been helpful for parents. It seems to be the thing that I get the most feedback on saying, you know, I’ve been trying this in my home and it’s really made such a huge difference because it’s helping me to stay calm in that moment. It’s helping me remember, you know, why am I doing this?
And it’s helping to just redirect my kids during that moment where something went wrong and we have to get back on track.
Candace Nassar (15:38)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (15:47)
Yeah, I think about parents worrying that if they are quoting scripture to their kids in moments like that, that it could be weaponized. And I think so much of that comes in from them seeing us model that. So you’re talking about you do that in your own life and just, OK, mommy’s got to calm down right now and think about, you know, I want to be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry. Just things like that. Have you have you seen that help?
Bonnie (16:16)
Yes, absolutely. mean, I see people say that all the time, you’re weaponizing scripture, but I mean, if quoting scripture to my kids is wrong, then I don’t want to be right because it’s really one of the most important things is to have scripture woven into your days and not in this way of, know, again, I’m trying to control you right now.
I’m trying to lead you. I’m trying to pull you back into where you should be and onto the path of righteousness because yeah, we need that ourselves. You know, my mom gave me a little jar. I don’t know if you’ve seen them, but it has different colored pieces of paper in it and you can choose a different color based on whatever you’re feeling. So if you’re anxious or if you’re joyful, you know, you choose green for anxious and it has Bible verses on there that will kind of address that emotion.
And I love those, just think that’s one of the best things for, know, if I am kind of feeling anxious in that moment, I’ll grab a verse real quick and I’ll try to memorize that throughout the day. And, you know, if our kids, especially, can’t read yet or are not quite reading yet, how else are they going to hear scripture than if we say it to them and read it to them? That’s how they receive it. And it’s just so important.
Candace Nassar (17:25)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (17:30)
Yeah, modeling the love of Jesus when we’re sharing those scriptures. I mean, there’s a way to speak the truth and love and we’re not avoiding it. We’re not weaponizing it. We’re combining the two and that’s what you’re talking about. okay, well, I love your tagline, no yelling, no power struggles, no bribes. Those, I see that all the time. And so why do you think
Bonnie (17:51)
You
Candace Nassar (17:56)
that has become so normalized in parenting.
Bonnie (18:01)
think parents just don’t know what else to do. You know, you feel stuck in those moments. I mean, I think we’ve all seen the parent trying to leave the store and saying, come on, come on, it’s time to go. And the kid’s not moving and they’re just kind of staring at them. And in that moment, you know, you have a decision to make as a parent. What am I going to do here? And most of the time the world is saying, well, you know, they know what they need. So.
Let them make the decision in that moment and you don’t want to, especially in public, you don’t want to be viewed as this unkind, harsh parent. And so they’re just kind of thinking, okay, well, how can I move forward? And it usually goes to negotiating or bribing. If you leave right now, you can have a cookie when you get home or I promise I’ll take you to the playground tomorrow if you leave at this moment, those kinds of things.
That may work in the moment sometimes, but it just doesn’t work long term.
Candace Nassar (18:57)
Yeah, so what does that communicate to a child?
Bonnie (19:00)
Yeah, I mean, it’s all just that it’s instant gratification. It’s I’m going to get what I want if I push back. So that’s obviously going to encourage them to keep pushing back, you know, if they’ve learned, OK, if I put up a fight here and I get a cookie, I might as well keep putting up a fight. That sounds like a great plan. You really can’t blame the kids. I mean, it makes a lot of sense in their head. So it’s much more on the parents to just say these are the rules.
We are going to obey mom and obey dad when it’s time to leave the store because this is for your own good. And you know, not to mention safety. I mean, there are so many times that you need your child to obey in that moment. You know, they’re running towards a busy street and cars are coming. If you say stop, you need them to stop. is life or death in that moment.
And that’s more common, I think, than we realize sometimes, especially in toddlerhood. Man, I mean, they are just, they’re on the move all the time. They’re always just a second away from danger, putting something in their mouth that they shouldn’t or whatever it might be. So I mean, even just the safety aspect of it, practically, it’s so important that our kids know to obey and obey immediately.
Candace Nassar (20:11)
Yeah, and I’m also thinking about how it just creates a performance based mentality. I think if you know if I can I can earn something by doing what I’m supposed to and then how does that carry forward into their faith? I think I can see that being a real issue is We because we all struggle with well if I do this for God if I do that for God then he’s going to reward me and give me the life I want and yet
That is so not true, right? And we can’t earn it. And I think parents don’t think about those types of ramifications, consequences when we’re doing things like that in parenting. And God has a better way for us. And it’s so beautiful., and some of the things that you’re talking about, just sharing those verses and coaching them and training, it’s really training and it’s hard. It takes patience and it takes prayer.
Bonnie (21:22)
else.
Candace Nassar (21:03)
Yeah, I know you’ve experienced that given the range of ages you have at home for sure. So what would you say to the mom that is torn between the two of gentle parenting and biblical parenting and seeing, know, sometimes I think they see they’re at odds with each other. What would you say?
Bonnie (21:09)
Absolutely.
Bonnie (21:24)
I mean, I would really say that not gentle parenting, but gentleness goes hand in hand with authority. It is not on the opposite end. They are not at odds with each other. I would really encourage her to just read her Bible and really search the scriptures for, you know, I mean, I say that with anything that I say. It’s our duty, whatever we hear from anyone, to search the scriptures.
you know, make sure that is this aligned with what God is telling me to do?
And I think when you really open the scriptures with an open mind, you see time and time again, God’s loving authority, both going hand in hand. mean, just faithfully, consistently throughout scripture. It’s really amazing and it’s just, it’s obviously our perfect example of just seeing how he loves us, how life is not always easy. It’s not going to be easy. He’s going to ask hard things of us. mean, read about Joseph, my goodness, like what a life. He asks hard things of us and he’s going to ask hard things of our kids. And it is not always going to be happiness and it’s going to be difficult.
He’s doing that because he loves us, because he has the bigger picture. And he is faithful so we can trust him and depend on him. And so we’re modeling that to our kids. We’re modeling, you can trust us. We are not perfect like Jesus. And I love to point my kids back to that. When I’m harsh, when I snap at them and I shouldn’t have and say, Jesus would not speak to you that way. Mommy was not modeling Jesus in that moment.
Candace Nassar (22:46)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (23:07)
and repenting for that, but also saying mom and dad are striving very hard to live in the way that Jesus wants us to and to be trustworthy and faithful so that you know when we ask you to do something hard, even if it’s just something small, like it’s time to leave the playground, we’re doing that for your good because we know you need a nap or it’s lunchtime, or the traffic’s gonna get worse. We know so many other things, and how much more does God know than us in all those situations?
Candace Nassar (23:39)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think about the passages in Hebrews and in other places where God talks about, how he disciplines those he loves and, you know, a son disciplines the child and discipline is training in righteousness in so many ways. Right. And so, you know, I just think about the, the, we’re, when we’re arguing with our kids to behave, when we’re trying to bribe, control and do all those other things,
Bonnie (23:54)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (25:36.918)
it’s actually detrimental to them understanding that God is going to have bring things into their life that are going to be tough. And I think about kids today that are struggling with being there. They don’t have resiliency or courage because they don’t see that they can reign in those things or overcome all of that. Right. Have you, have you seen some of that?
Bonnie (24:30)
Yeah. yeah. mean, you don’t have to go far to hear someone saying that they’re just absolutely controlled by anxiety and, you know, there’s nothing they can do about it whatsoever. And, you know, there’s ranges to that and I understand and there’s backgrounds and all of that. So you can’t speak to every situation, but it’s much more than it was 20 years ago. And I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think it is related to…
how we’re parenting our kids and when they feel like they are controlled by their emotions, like it’s just something happening to them that there’s nothing else they can do. They just have to roll with those emotions. And that’s really what gentle parenting teaches kids is, you know, you can’t control this. You you are so angry right now and there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to sit here and wait for it to pass. You know, what a prison for kids, you know, and what a terrible message and what…
would like you said, a detrimental message to bring into adulthood to just feel like everything’s happening and there’s nothing I can do about
Candace Nassar (25:30)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, like I said, I saw that, continue to see it. so I’m thrilled to see that things are swinging back and that like your Instagram page is doing so well and people are responding. I know you have a I guess a curriculum or resource of some sort called the parenting reset. You want to tell us a little bit about that?
Bonnie (25:53)
Sure, yeah. So it’s a PDF course right now. I’m actually working on expanding it into a little bit more, but it’s all based on what we’ve talked about today. It’s all trying to put onto pages in a clear and implementable way for parents so that they can read through this, understand what is God.
asking of us as parents, what is biblical parenting? What does that look like day to day and how can I implement this in my home starting today? So that it’s practical but rooted in scripture and it’s been wonderful. I’ve just heard so much amazing feedback from it. I’ve just been so grateful that this has been a way that I can bless other families. It’s just, it’s really amazing how the Lord’s been able to use that.
Candace Nassar (26:41)
So, who is it for, exactly?
Bonnie (26:45)
It is really for any parent who wants to parent and glorify God in their parenting. And especially for those who just don’t know what that looks like or are having trouble getting started. It’s not for a parent of any specific age or it is really just all across the board. I made it so that it will apply to your kids, whether they’re one or whether they’re 18.
Candace Nassar (27:00)
Okay.
Bonnie (27:09)
Because it’s all, again, it’s all rooted in the Bible and, you know, scripture is not just giving us parenting tips for one specific age. It’s giving us a blueprint to follow. So I made sure to apply all of that.
Candace Nassar (27:25)
So what would you say to the mom of teens that is really struggling? this something that they could benefit from?
Bonnie (27:32)
Yeah, I mean I’ve had quite a few parents of teens go through the course and have said that it’s made a huge difference. know, it’s all gonna, everyone’s walking a very different parenting journey. So if you have a 14 year old and you’ve been gentle parenting most of these years, that’s a lot, you know, to have to shift and I really address that in the course of, you know, there’s probably gonna be some pushback.
If this is something that you’re starting with a three-year-old, know, that’s going to be a very different, it’s going to play out very differently in your home. But, you know, for teens, it’s the same principles. It’s coming at this from, am going to be your parent and I’m going to model Christ to you with love and with authority together. And we’re going to marry those two the way they’re supposed to be together in the way that God does.
So we are not controlling every little thing you do and we’re not trying to be harsh and unkind but we’re going to require things of you. We’re going to require obedience from you because we love you. So it is not too late if you have teens. It can really feel that way but it’s not.
Candace Nassar (28:40)
That’s what I really want to encourage moms is that really what we’re doing, and I meant to say this earlier, is we’re trying to shepherd their hearts. And a big part of them understanding that they’re obeying us and that means they’re obeying God is it’s not about behavior modification. It’s about learning why we are doing this because God loved us first, so we love him, right?
That’s what we’re doing. so really when we’re discipling our kids, a big part of that is this parenting, discipline and that sort of thing and teaching them that their emotions don’t have to be driving the train.
Bonnie (29:22)
Exactly, yeah. And I hear so often, know, behavior is not the focus, it’s the heart. But it’s Proverbs 4, I think it’s 23, saying, out of the heart flows the spring of life. So, you know, behavior does matter. We don’t throw out behavior. The heart is the thing that we are addressing and behavior should be flowing through that or from that.
If we’re seeing bad behavior, that’s a symptom of a heart issue and that’s where we really get to the heart of it.
Candace Nassar (29:47)
Right.
Candace Nassar (29:51)
Right. And learning what every one of our children have a different heart issue that is predominant. Right. And so asking questions and developing that relationship so that we can get underneath that and really address those. So I love that. Well, this has been a great conversation, Bonnie. I really appreciate it. I love that you have these different ages of kids so you can speak to the different circumstances and situations.
Bonnie (29:56)
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (30:16)
Let’s do a quick lightning round of just what is one scripture that anchors your parenting the most right now.
Bonnie (30:24)
Yeah, you know, it’s funny, I was thinking about that the other day and you know, there were a bunch that came to mind. mean, like Ephesians 6:1, and children obey your parents in the Lord is kind of an obvious one and I do, I think about that one a lot and I quoted, you know, a good bit around my house. But I was doing my devotions the other day and I was reading through Luke and I was in Luke 4 and it was, you know, Jesus had just gone out into the wilderness and had been
tempted and then at the end of that section it talks about how, I think it was verse 14, it talks about Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee. And for some reason, you know, sometimes you read a verse you’ve read a million times before and it just kind of hits you a little bit differently in that moment. And it really did hit me in that moment. I just suddenly felt so convicted of the fact that
Candace Nassar (31:11)
Mm-hmm.
Bonnie (31:18)
you know, the same spirit that was leading Jesus while on earth is leading us in our parenting. And that was just the most encouraging thing for me in that moment that I just kind of had to stop for a second and, I just, don’t think about that enough. I don’t think about the fact that we, have the spirit leading us through every step of parenting and there’s never a time that we’re going to come to the Lord for help.
and say, Lord, I need help in my parenting right now, and that he would just leave us. He’s never going to leave us on our own to do this. He wants to help us, and that’s why he’s given his spirit to walk with us and to convict us in those moments. And sometimes we get convicted of our own sin, and it can hurt, and we realize, man, I’ve just made so many mistakes in parenting, and that can feel so discouraging. But we can use that. We use that conviction because
Candace Nassar (31:51)
Mm.
Bonnie (32:14)
He forgives us and He helps us and He allows us to move on and keep working in this field of missions that we’re really doing in our own homes. So that has just been something that I’ve been reflecting on and really just feeling encouraged by and kind of those tough parenting moments of, know, I am not alone in this. I have Jesus with me at all times helping me. And we can feel strengthened by that.
Candace Nassar (32:25)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (32:41)
That’s so encouraging. Absolutely. One last question. What is one myth about parenting you’d like to see retired?
Bonnie (32:47)
Well, there’s a few of them and that’s kind of in some ways a hard one for me to choose. I think more than anything just the fact that you cannot say no to your kids. That has been something
Candace Nassar (35:04.942)
Hmm.
Bonnie (32:47)
I really thought people were kidding when I first started hearing it because it just sounded so wild to me that all of these people were saying, shouldn’t be saying no to your kids. You should be saying yes. And even when you’re saying no, you should make it sound like a yes. you know, don’t say no, don’t touch that. Instead, say touch this instead. All of these kind of language aerobics in order to make it sound positive.
you can absolutely say no to your kids. The Lord says no to me frequently. There are many things that I’ve asked for and he has lovingly said, no, Bonnie, you’re not gonna have that right now. And that’s okay, you know.
Candace Nassar (33:30)
Amen. Amen.
Candace Nassar (33:40)
Yeah, I think I love what you’re saying, the gymnastics of all that, because that’s so exhausting. mean, no wonder, right now, I think I read it maybe a few months ago that parents are more exhausted than ever before. And I know, yes, we’re a lot of dual incomes and schedules and things like that. And a lot of those things that we need to address personally in our relationship with God. But when I think about just trying to parent with
all these little nuances because we’re afraid we’re going to damage our kids if we don’t do everything perfectly. What a lie that is and what pressure.
Bonnie (34:16)
yeah. yeah, I just, can’t imagine. It’s like I said, parenting is exhausting enough. We don’t need to throw that in and there’s absolutely many ways to say no lovingly. So I give you all permission to do that.
Candace Nassar (34:27)
Praise God. He yes, and he gives us in his word just so many examples of of things we can say and how, that we just keep pointing back to him really pointing our children back to him. So well, thank you again, Bonnie. We will be putting your information in our show notes. I so appreciate you sharing your wisdom and how to point families to God and their parenting. So
Bonnie (34:44)
Thank you.
Candace Nassar (34:52)
I appreciate you being on and wish you all the best.
Bonnie (34:54)
Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.
Candace Nassar (34:57)
You bet.
