Candace Nassar (00:00)
Well, welcome, Kim. I am so glad to have you here. Would you start by telling us a little bit about yourself and the work that you do?
Kim Anderson (00:09)
Absolutely, I’m so glad to be here. Thank you for having me. So I am a therapist in the Nashville area and do spend most of my time in therapy with families, with moms, and do family coaching as well.
And I’m also the founder of Elevate Moms, a place where we offer counseling and coaching and community for moms who really just feel overwhelmed in this season of life, really in all ages and stages, because we have so many different seasons that we can get stuck in. But moms who are really just feeling this kind of overwhelming feeling of not getting it right, making mistakes like they’re failing their kids so that we can help them parent with calm and with confidence.
Candace Nassar (00:49)
That is amazing and exactly where so many of our moms are. Even myself 30 years ago, but I think now it’s even like we, you and I were just talking how much harder it even is today with all of the pressures and resources that, you know, they just don’t know where to turn. Okay, so we’re talking today specifically about burnout. And when a mom says I’m burned out, what is she really describing?
Kim Anderson (01:16)
Yeah, well burnout is something that I think is so much more common in this time, right? Because we have so much coming at us as moms 24-7. And so, you we think of just normal fatigue is, you know, I’m tired, I need a nap, right? I need to rest. I didn’t get good sleep last night.
But burnout really is this overwhelming feeling of just depletion. And this feeling of like, I don’t even know who I am anymore.
You know,when we’re in that burnout season, it’s like we can’t catch a breath and we we kind of check out and we can really get disconnected from the people that we love, the people around us. We can be disconnected from our kids, from our families, and we can carry a lot of resentment in our hearts and our souls because of the stories that we tell ourselves, when we were in burnout, right? and then we start to snap at our kids.
We start to get resentful. We feel emotionally flat and we have negative self-talk that kicks in and then from there we start to have mom guilt, right? And that mom guilt kicks in and we feel guilty because we’re not performing at the level that we’ve pushed ourselves to perform in and then it becomes this cycle that really is hard to break and hard to get out of.
Candace Nassar (02:17)
Hmm.
Candace Nassar (02:26)
Okay, so you said something really key. You said we’re not performing at the level that we think we should perform at. Why are moms so vulnerable? Why do we think we have to perform at such a high level?
Kim Anderson (02:32)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (02:40)
Yeah, that’s a great question. think there’s a lot of different reasons, right? Societally, if we look around at social media, everybody’s hustling, everybody’s proving their worth, everybody is looking to be seen. so we can compare, we can look at everybody else’s highlight reels and tell ourselves a story that we’re not doing enough and that we have to do more. But what I do find is those moms who really do struggle with burnout, our moms who
Kim Anderson (03:06)
really have been high performers their whole life, right? And they likely learned early on that that is that that people pleasing that the over functioning that that control that fear of disappointing others that it’s there for a reason. And it’s because they learned at an early age that that was important, right? That they needed that to survive in the household that they grew up in. And so when we dig into people’s stories, when we dig into people’s whys, we’re able to see
Candace Nassar (03:25)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (03:36)
kind of why we get in the patterns that we get in.
Candace Nassar (03:39)
So important. So what are the early warning signs that a family member could be looking for?
Kim Anderson (03:44)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so again, just that depletion, the signs of anxiety and depression, signs of just irritability that might be showing up out of character, irritability. When we think about our nervous system, when we’re in burnout,
Candace Nassar (03:54)
Hmm.
Candace Nassar (04:02)
Mmm.
Kim Anderson (04:03)
We’re in a space that we call hypoarousal. So there’s this term called the window of tolerance that we use in psychology. Dean Siegel, who’s a psychologist, coined it. When we’re in our window of tolerance, we are actually living out the fruits of the spirit. So we’re feeling love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and gentleness and self-control. And then something happens that pushes us out of our window. And so we jump up to hypoarousal.
And hyper arousal is where anxiety lives. And that’s when we’re in the hustle, right? That’s when we’re in the panic. That’s where we’re in the snappiness and our body’s getting ready to fight or flight. And so when we’re in hyper arousal, we are showing up.
ready to take things on and to kind of go at it. And then we bounce down to hypo arousal and hypo arousal is where we feel those signs of burnout where we’ve just kind of collapsed. are numb. We are just kind of checked out because it all feels so overwhelming. And so the most important thing we need to do is to really navigate that in our own bodies, in our own nervous system to figure out like where am I
Candace Nassar (05:07)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (05:15)
right now because God designed us to live in our window of tolerance but we can’t just camp out there right we can’t live there all the time wouldn’t that be wonderful if we could spend all of our time in our window of tolerance but we can and so we’ve got to look for those signs in our own body you know is my heart racing is shark music playing in the back of my mind right saying you’re the worst mom ever you’re failing your kids you’re making mistakes that are going to cause irreparable damage and wounds right those are all things
Candace Nassar (05:36)
Hmm.
Candace Nassar (05:41)
Mmm, mmm.
Kim Anderson (05:42)
that lead to burnout because we tell ourselves stories based on the lies and the trauma that we’ve experienced in our own life.
Candace Nassar (05:50)
Mm hmm. So when you’re talking about, okay, hold on a second. My train of thought, you said something that I really wanted to capitalize on. The window of tolerance, when you’re talking about fight or flight a little bit, which I know that whole flip the lid thing. So, ah, I know what I was gonna talk about. So when we’re feeling this burnout, what are some things that we can do? You said , you know, we want to be in that window of tolerance. So what, what can we do to get from that, you know, the wrong spaces and get back into that?
Kim Anderson (06:08)
Well, the first thing is just paying attention, right? I always say stop, observe, shift. So when we’re feeling that dysregulation in our body that leads to burnout, it’s stopping and it’s going, okay, what is going on inside of me right now? We have to slow down enough to be curious because if we can’t be curious, then we can’t even make the changes that we need to make, right? And then it’s observing, like, what is the story I’m telling myself? Is it true?
Why am I feeling resentment? What is coming up for me? How did I get here? And then we have to make the choice to shift and that takes work. It takes work to shift out of that space. And so when you ask what can we do, like the first thing I like to recommend is just breathing. Just regular breathing exercises because when we are, when we’re in that space of burnout, we’re, you know, again, our nervous system is not regulated and breathing brings us back into our window of tolerance.
So for up high and we’re feeling that anxious hyper arousal, that fight or flight, we need to breathe in quickly and we need to exhale really long like we’re blowing up a balloon. But if we’re checked out and we are numb and we’re having a hard time moving into life because we’re so depleted, we need to inhale more, right? And get our sympathetic nervous system going. The other thing is boundaries, right? Boundaries can be overused, but at the end of the day, if we’re honest, the reason that we are burnt out is because we have
Candace Nassar (07:24)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (07:31)
not protected our time and our space right and you know in Galatians 6 you know in 6:2 it says we want to bear each other’s burdens and that is true we want to bear each other’s burdens we want to care for those who are in need we want to love our neighbors well, but in 5 it says each of us is responsible for carrying our own load
And if we’re trying to borrow other people’s problems, if we’re trying to carry everybody else’s load, but not take care of our own load, then we’re not doing anybody in our family a disservice. And it’s often comes from this place of being afraid to disappoint people, right? Being afraid to say no. I grew up as a people pleaser and I’ve done a lot of work to become a recovering people pleaser. I say recovering because I’m not
Candace Nassar (08:08)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (08:18)
on the other side. Right? No is still hard for me. Letting people sit in their own emotions is difficult for me, even though I do this for a living, right? But when I’m in personal relationships with people, it is really, really difficult. You know, but motherhood is the mirror for us. You know, our kids didn’t cause our triggers, right? They’re just showing them.
Candace Nassar (08:20)
I hear ya.
Candace Nassar (08:35
Yes.
Kim Anderson (08:40)
And so what we’ve got to do as moms is we’ve got to sit down, we’ve got to figure out, okay, I feel this thing going on inside me, right? I feel this trigger inside of me. What is it about? Why am I coming unglued when the milk is spilled?
Candace Nassar (08:54)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (08:54)
What’s the story that I’m telling myself when my child’s not invited to a party, right? How am I hustling to make sure that nobody in my life experiences pain? That pain is just, it’s an experience on this side of heaven, right? We can’t keep our kids from feeling pain. And so we want to notice those triggers without shame.
Kim Anderson (09:15)
And that’s the important thing is like, we want to be curious. We want to observe, but without shame, without beating ourselves up, without saying, I can’t believe I lost it again, or I can’t believe that I’m feeling this way. It’s getting curious instead of being critical.
Candace Nassar (09:30)
You know, I’m thinking about some things that you said, and I hear a lot of as moms, we just take on responsibility for everything. Right. And that contributes to burnout. We can’t we’re not meant to carry it. God never meant us to carry it. He he is sovereign. He can carry those burdens. And I love you talking about trying to keep our kids from failing. I do think that is a.
Kim Anderson (09:40)
Yep.
Candace Nassar (09:56)
big, big issue. saw that as a high school teacher. I see it in our ministry that we are, I don’t know how we crossed over to this because I wasn’t raised that way. You know, we were allowed to fail. At some point though, we decided that we needed to protect our kids from that. And it does, it does harm to them and it does harm to us. And we, we have to learn to let, let that go and give it, give it over to God. And that’s
Kim Anderson (10:05)
Mm-hmm. Mm-mm. No.
Kim Anderson (10:16)
Yep. Yep.
Candace Nassar (10:24)
That’s hard. That takes you, you’re talking about taking work. That takes work.
Kim Anderson (10:28)
It takes so much work. It’s painful. I mean, if we’re honest, it’s painful when we see our kids hurt. But if we project that on them, we’re robbing them, right? We’re clipping their wings of letting them learn how to struggle. You think about like a little chick that’s like trying to break out of the egg, right? And if the mama chick goes over, the mama, you know, little duckling goes over and does all the work for them.
Candace Nassar (10:46)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (10:46)
They never build the muscles to break free from the egg. And we want when we launch our kids, we want that to be a natural step. don’t want that to be this huge gap for them when they leave. They’ve got to know that they can fly. And every time that we solve a problem for them, that we social engineer for them, that we fix their pain for them, we are robbing them of those muscles.
They need us to be present, right? But they don’t need us to solve. need us to give them that
connection where we say I see you this is hard right you feel sad that you weren’t invited to so and so’s party you’re right that hurt I get it right you feel sad you weren’t invited to the dance you feel sad you weren’t didn’t make the team but we don’t call the coach and say I can’t believe that you didn’t take my child on the team right we let them experience the bumps we don’t remove the bumps for them
Candace Nassar (11:43)
Mm, mm.
Kim Anderson (11:50)
Right? And we’re there to help them over the bumps, to let them know they can handle hard things, to let them know that they can navigate the bumps, that they don’t need us because really the message we send is, don’t think you can handle this bump. I don’t believe in you. You really don’t have the skills. And then we rob them of that, that important tool of self-efficacy where they believe in themselves. And we do it because of our own fear. Right? We do it because we sat alone at the lunch table. Right? We do it because we didn’t make the team. We do it because
Candace Nassar (12:03)
That’s right.
Kim Anderson (12:20)
Our identity, if I’m honest, our identity can get wrapped up in our kids’ performance right? Their grades become our grades. Their college admission becomes our college admission. Their team becomes… And that’s… It makes sense. It’s because we love them. It is from a good place. I am not trying to throw shame on that. It’s just that we have to be able to say that we’re going to get so burnt out if we are constantly putting all of our energy into the perfect family, right? To the perfect children, to the perfect marriage. And we hold these things up as idols on a pedestal that they’re not meant
Candace Nassar (12:27)
yeah.
Candace Nassar (12:47)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (12:53)
to be.
Candace Nassar (12:54)
So those are such great points about the burdens that we carry.
What else can contribute to burnout and to those feelings of being responsible for everyone’s perfection?
Kim Anderson (13:07)
Yeah, yeah. Well, I think in today’s world it’s, comparison because again, like we were saying, every time we open our phone, we see her perfect life, her perfect highlight reel. And so we believe this lie that our birthday party has to be even better, right? Or at least as good.
Candace Nassar (13:11)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (13:24)
because our one year old might look back at pictures one day and they might feel sad that I didn’t do enough for their birthday party, right? And so, you know, comparison really has turned motherhood into performance instead of into a relationship. And our kids need motherhood to be a relationship. They don’t need our performance. You know, the beautiful thing is, and I shout this from the rooftops, we only have to get it right 30 % of the time.
Candace Nassar (13:54)
Ahhh.
Kim Anderson (13:55)
30 % of the time to build a secure attachment with our kids to be a good enough mom. And that is so freeing. And I always want to shout a hallelujah every time that I share that with people because it really is, it’s true,
Candace Nassar (14:02)
It is.
Kim Anderson (14:09)
it’s based out of research from Edtronic who did a really powerful experiment called the Still Face experiment years ago and Donald Winnicott. But that research shows that we can get it wrong. We can miss a tune with our children 70 % of the time and still raise a healthy family and still being amazing moms. you know, the story out there I think that moms today are carrying in this comparison vein is I have to be perfect all the time, right? Every time.
I mess up. I am going to put my child in therapy. They are going to be in therapy for life. They’re never going to move on in the world. They’re never going to launch because of me. And that again, that’s why at Elevate Moms, we really provide moms with those tools that they need to get it right, the 30%. Right? And we free them from the 70.
Candace Nassar (14:58)
I just think of how much the evil one is involved in all of this, right? It’s just the lies that we tell ourselves that you’re that’s what you’re talking about is how we have to get this perfect. We have to, you know, if my kid and also there’s that whole thing of, you know, reflection on us. If my kid fails, then I’m failing and just the and and all of those those lies that are just so detrimental to our mental health, our our spiritual health.
Kim Anderson (15:17)
Yep, then Yep.
Kim Anderson (15:26)
Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (15:26)
We have, you know, we can’t walk with Jesus if we’re carrying that much of a burden every, every single day. There’s no, there’s no space. So one of, one of the things I was thinking about is you talk about boundaries and, things from our childhood. How can we, a lot, a lot of us, including myself have some trauma and some things that happened in childhood that come into our parenting.
Kim Anderson (15:30)
No. No. No.
Kim Anderson (15:50)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Candace Nassar (15:52)
how can we recognize those types of those signals that we need to work on some things and heal? can, how can we, and we talked about some, how to breathe and things like that. And I love that. Matter of fact, I have a book called Breath as Prayer by Jennifer Tucker. So I know those are important, but healing from our childhood, boy, that can be tough.
Kim Anderson (17:57)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (16:02)
Yeah.
Kim Anderson (16:07)
Yeah.
Kim Anderson (16:10)
yes, yep, yep.
Kim Anderson (16:17)
Yeah. it can be so hard. And this is the thing, parenting is not for the faint of heart and God grows us through our parenting journey.
Right? And we all want to have it figured out. We all want to get it right. And we can’t do it alone. That’s the bottom line. We can’t do it alone. We need another person to walk with us. So somebody in MomQ, right? That’s what we do at Elevate Moms to really help you reconcile your story. Because our story is a clue. It’s the key to the patterns that we are in. And we really believe that loving our children well, being that mom that we want to be for our kids,
us to do our own work. And it’s so easy to stuff down. Like we just want to stuff but we don’t want to feel it. We’re so afraid that if we do, you know, that the flood will come out and we’ll never recover. But actually, the key to naming it…
is what helps us become the parent that we want to be. But we can’t just name it alone. Again, we’ve got to do it in community. so doing we, know, All of Eight Moms, we do everything from trauma work. We do EMDR. We do brain spotting. We help figure out where is that sticky spot? We’ve all got sticky spots in our nervous system. When we experience trauma, it gets stuck in our brain and we help desensitize that trauma and move it out. Right. And so we do everything from that to getting clarity about
Candace Nassar (17:16)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (17:35)
Who do you want to be? know, who are you outside of motherhood? Because again, if we’re believing the lie that our identity is only in our children and our role as a mom, not only are we limiting ourselves from the other purposes that God has for our life outside of motherhood, but we are also acting in ways that our kids don’t want. Like I don’t know a college student who wants to leave the house and still be the sole identity of their mother.
Candace Nassar (18:03)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (18:04)
And so we need to do it for us, but we need to do it for our children as well. And so the ultimate way is going in and figure out where are those sticky spots. Like if you think about it, like a metal detector, you know, like at the airport, like you’re at TSA and they’re scanning your body, you know, it’s like, where do you feel it in your body? What’s going on in your body?
What are the stories that you tell yourself? Because we learn some really good stories and how do we challenge those? How do we challenge them and make sure that we’re filtering through God’s truth?
Candace Nassar (18:34)
I love that. was thinking of the image of the mask on the airplane coming down, right? And what do they tell you? Put it on yourself and then put it on your child. And if we’re not striving for emotional health and our identity in Christ and Him alone, we’re not going to be that, you know, that’s really the core of being a loving, present,
Kim Anderson (18:40)
Yep. Put yours on first.
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (19:01)
mother, right, to be present. So I love that. And then you mentioned EMDR. And I just want to explore that for just a minute, because I’ve had EMDR and I thought it was amazing. so when would someone, because I’m hearing it even more lately, when would someone pursue something like EMDR? Tell us a little bit about that.
Kim Anderson (19:02)
Yep, yep.
Kim Anderson (19:08)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Kim Anderson (19:23)
That’s a great question. EMDR is one of my favorite therapy modalities. I use a lot of different modalities when I’m doing work, but EMDR is just so powerful. It is a gift to sit and watch people stuck spots just desensitize and unravel. And so what happens is, you know, when we experience trauma, big trauma, little trauma, so big trauma, right? Loss of a loved one, abusive incident, car accident, right? Something significant or little t-trauma.
I’m in first grade and Suzy’s my best friend and she says, know what Kim? I don’t want to be your friend anymore. You can’t sit with me at lunch, right? If I don’t have a loved one, a safer secure person to share that with, then I just store it away and it becomes trauma in my brain. And I have a story that comes out of it and that story becomes you’re not wanted, right? Or you’re not enough or nobody loves you or you have to be perfect, right? There’s we all develop different stories and
So then I go and I go to middle school and I try out for cheerleading and I don’t make the team. And I get told, no, you’re not wanted. And then I go to high school and I don’t get invited to the dance. And, I tell myself, see, you’re not wanted, right? And then I show up in my therapist’s office and I have social anxiety as an adult. And so talk therapy can look at the social anxiety.
and try to connect dots. But what EMDR does is it goes in and it finds that earlier memory or lie. Kind of like if you’re pulling crabgrass, right? I know you’ve got crabgrass there in Austin because I lived in Corpus. But if you’re pulling that crabgrass out.
Candace Nassar (20:54)
Yeah.
Kim Anderson (20:56)
and you pull and there’s another root and then you pull and there’s another root, right? And another root. We’re trying to get to that core root memory that is running the show. And what it does is it reprocesses that memory through a different lens. Traditionally through eye movements, it looks like, you you just follow a pen or a light beam back and forth. But what we’re replicating is REM sleep because God designed our brain.
when we’re sleeping for our eyes to move back and forth in our head. And in that REM sleep, our brain moves things through neural pathways and desensitizes them and puts them where they need to go. So in essence, what we’re doing is we’re removing trauma, they get stuck in our limbic system, and we’re moving it up to our prefrontal cortex so we can look at something and it’s desensitized. So I can look at the incident with Susie that might still bring up a reaction in my body as an adult and go, you know what? I can see that.
Suzy, know Suzy had all these reasons for being mean to me and Now my adult brain can can reprocess that and compartmentalize it in a different way So so the question is a lot of people think yes It just has to be for severe trauma and I would say no it is it shows up Anywhere we get stuck in the lies. I’m not a good mom. I have to be a perfect mom, right? My kids have to be perfect. Like all those are EMDR worthy stories to process
Candace Nassar (22:16)
Such a great explanation. I just sprung that on you too. So I really appreciate that because I know when I was approached about it, I had no idea what it was. And I honestly thought it sounded very strange, but I can, it sounds strange, but I can tell you that some core memories that sat on my chest and caused me all kinds of bodily reactions are no longer there. And so I just, you know, and I feel like it was a gift from God.
Kim Anderson (22:20)
That’s okay.
Kim Anderson (22:27)
Yeah. It does sound very strange.
Kim Anderson (22:34)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Candace Nassar (26:04.306)
I really do.
Kim Anderson (22:47)
It is a gift from God. I could shout it from the rooftops, I would encourage every person to do EMDR. We all have, you know, those beach balls that like we’re dealing with and we just pretend they’re not there and we just stick them under the water and then we grab and stick another one under the water and eventually all the beach balls pop up and it comes sideways, comes out sideways on the ones we love. And the truth is I saw a great quote that basically says, you know, any dysfunction in relationship is a result of unhealed trauma.
When we don’t deal with our own trauma, we bleed out on people who didn’t cut us.
Candace Nassar (23:201)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (23:20)
Right? And so that’s why it is so important that we get curious back to what we were saying. Getting curious without judgment, without shame. We all have a good reason why we act, feel, think the way that we do. But our kids need us to lean into that so that we are not repeating patterns, that we are breaking generational cycles. And that is why we do our community, our family room community at Elevate Moms, where we bring people together and we teach those tools and we help women link arms together.
Candace Nassar (23:40)
Amen.
Kim Anderson (23:41)
That’s why you do that at Gather Moms because guess what? Shame.
dies in community and connection, right? But it grows in secrecy and silence. And we were never meant to do it alone. And so when we try, because we’re so afraid that feeling, right, that even that just core feeling, I’m failing my kids, right? When I say that, I know people are feeling it in their chest because it is primal to our role as moms to see our kids thrive. And so many of us have that fear. We feel it, but we’re so afraid to act on it. We’re so afraid to get the tools that just are going to shift.
Candace Nassar (23:57)
It sure does.
Kim Anderson (24:24)
shift it, right? Because we tell ourselves, if we, to do that, it’s like I have to climb Mount Everest alone. And what we’re doing for women in both of our organizations is saying, it’s not that hard. We’ve got you, right? We’ve got you. You’ve got curriculum to help women do that. And I highly recommend they find a MomQ group.
Candace Nassar (24:43)
Absolutely. Could not agree more. So you’re talking about getting therapy, getting help, and how does that
Because I know some people, some Christians struggle a little bit with finding therapists, we want to find someone who respects and loves Jesus and that aligns with the scriptures. So talk about that for a minute.
Kim Anderson (24:59)
federal lines. Yep.
Kim Anderson (25:05)
Yeah, I mean, I think it’s important to vet who you’re working with and make sure that they do. I think those are fair questions to ask.
One of the best ways, depending on where you are in the country, I always recommend going to psychologytoday.com. They’ve got a great directory. That’s where most therapists I know actually put their profiles. And then you can search by Christian therapist. You can search by zip code. You can search by EMDR to find somebody in your state that offers EMDR. If that’s something that felt like it might be a good fit for you. And so definitely do your work and
Candace Nassar (25:29)
Mm-hmm.
Kim Anderson (25:39)
kind of make sure you know you you want to be with the right person because it is a sacred journey right it’s a sacred journey that you’re walking on and walking through and it’s got to be someone that you feel comfortable with and that you trust.
Candace Nassar (25:46)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (25:52)
could not agree more. Thank you. Okay, so as we start to bring this conversation, which has been so rich, I’ve just gotten lost in it. What are some, small, maybe one to two small shifts that a highly burned out mom could make this week?
Kim Anderson (26:08)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think the first thing that really would be so important is just noticing, know, just stopping and noticing and giving yourself permission to rest, right? I think giving yourself permission to rest is so important. We are called to rest even Jesus rested He you know, he even says
that he’s there for the weary, right? Like he is there to give us that strength and he modeled it so well. So number one is giving yourself permission.
Number two, would say is practicing saying one no, right? Just one no. And it might be, it can be no to anything, right? It can be no to something that you know you don’t have time for. We all know it when we’re saying yes to something that we shouldn’t be, right? When you feel it in your body, pay attention to what’s going on in your body. But how do you say, no, I’m sorry, I can’t be on the class field trip that day, even though you want to be there. I’m sorry, I can’t make cookies tomorrow.
No, I’m sorry. I’m not going to sit in in gossip, you know, in the space of gossip with a friend because that’s not honoring them, right? Like whatever that note looks like for you, give yourself permission.
Candace Nassar (27:11)
Mmm.
Kim Anderson (27:19)
And then can I say, I’m gonna say a third is the breathing, right? Breathing and just paying attention. Triangle breathing is my favorite go-to, breathing in four, holding four, exhaling eight, and just really giving yourself that time, that meditation, right? The prayer that you need to create space.
Candace Nassar (27:21)
Sure. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (27:38)
so good. You know, one thing I was thinking about is how when we’re carrying all these burdens and we are as high capacity women wanting everything to be perfect and we want to control all the outcomes and really it comes down to trust. It comes down to try learning to let go and learning to let God have our burdens and trust him with it. And that’s, I think that’s the final
point that I have had to learn is just continuing almost daily to hold my hands out and just let those things go and realize if it doesn’t go the way I want, it if everything crashes, whatever I go to the end, you know, the end of the worst case scenario, right, that it’s still he still got me in the palm of his hand and it’s still he can still work it for good. So I think.
Kim Anderson (28:24)
Yeah. Yep.
Kim Anderson (28:33)
Yes.
Candace Nassar (28:33)
I think we just need to learn all of those things are so good and learning to let go and trust God.
Kim Anderson (28:40)
Yeah, absolutely. And to trust God, it takes getting clear about the fears. The fears that we have because fear is what gets in the way of trust. And when we can name it and reflect on it and be curious about it, again, without judgment, without shame, then it’s easier to move into that space.
Candace Nassar (28:59)
Yeah, and I love the idea of in community groups, being able to share, get that trust and share with each other and share some of those fears. And like you said, it’s when we bring it out and when we talk about it, then it takes the shame away and we can process it. So yeah, really good stuff, really good stuff. OK, so tell us about Elevate Moms. And you said you had some really good resources. You told me I would love to let our listeners
Kim Anderson (29:11)
Yeah. Yeah.
Kim Anderson (29:16)
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Kim Anderson (29:23)
Yum. Yeah.
Candace Nassar (29:27)
be able to access that.
Kim Anderson (29:29)
Yeah, absolutely. So one of my favorite things, we have a free download. It’s a burnout guide, what we recommend to do when moms are feeling burned out. And so you would just go to elevatemoms.com forward slash burnout and I can send you a link if you want to put it in the show notes. And then we are, we love what we’re doing in our family room, our online community where we teach these tools and resources and give moms an opportunity to link arms together.
Candace Nassar (29:45)
Yep.
Kim Anderson (29:57)
as well. And so I think my biggest message is you weren’t meant to do it alone and it’s never too late. Right? It’s never too late. Even if you’re listening right now and you’re an empty nest or mom, it is never too late.
Candace Nassar (30:09)
So good. Wow. Thank you, Kim, so much. You’ve given us so many great tools and insights. You are clearly doing the Lord’s calling on your life. So I thank you. It’s been great. I will put all these things in our show notes and just thank you. Wish you the best.
Kim Anderson (30:18)
you
Kim Anderson (30:25)
Great, thank you so much. I love what you’re doing as well. Thanks for having me.
Candace Nassar (30:29)
You bet.
